


let's run away now

by melodyinlove



Series: actions and consequences [1]
Category: MXM (Band), NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: M/M, One Shot, Slow Burn, get your popcorn ready for this 22k fic, huge emo, slight college/office au, wedding crasher au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-26
Updated: 2018-02-26
Packaged: 2019-03-24 06:41:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 22,167
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13805613
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melodyinlove/pseuds/melodyinlove
Summary: jonghyun, throughout their relationship, always felt like minhyun was perfect. however, three years after their breakup at his wedding with someone that's not him, he realizes that his only flaw was falling too hard for him that he can't let go.





	let's run away now

_ “I promised him I wouldn’t tell you, but I feel like you still have the right to know.”  _

Minhyun speeds through the streets with his engine roaring, hoping to God he doesn’t get pulled over by the cops for going past the speed limit. He can’t afford to be late and miss his last chance. Gripping tightly onto the wheel, he swerves into the venue parking lot. He doesn’t bother to fix his terrible parking and runs out of his car, just barely remembering to lock it.

_ “He’s getting married later today.” _

Minhyun’s heavy panting and loud heavy steps fill the building. Everything’s gorgeously decorated in white and teal, but he doesn’t have much time to take in his surroundings before he slams through the doors. Everyone in the hall looks at him wide eyed, but those in front continue as if nothing happened.

“Speak now or forev \-- ”

“Jonghyun, stop,” Minhyun yells from the back of the hall, “Don’t get married.”

Minhyun can feel the burning gazes from everyone in the hall, obviously upset that he would come to ruin such a beautiful matrimony. However, what hurts his pride the most is his former lover turning back and looking at him with a pained look, holding tightly onto the hand of his husband-to-be. 

—

  
  
  
  


“You’re finally awake,” Minhyun laughs as he kisses Jonghyun on the forehead, “I thought you were never going to wake up. It’s already 1pm.”

The sun shines right on Jonghyun’s eyes that he has no choice but to wake up (and yes, Minhyun is also the sun but  _ the _ sun was a lot more burdensome than  _ his _ sun). He groans as he gets up, instinctively holding the other’s hand, “Minki and I were on a winning streak and we didn’t want to finish playing until we lost.” 

Minhyun laughs as he rolls his eyes jokingly, not even surprised at this point, if he’s honest, as Jonghyun games almost every single night, “Of course. You’re lucky I’m a heavy sleeper and I didn’t wake up to you sneaking into bed late.”

“I know I’m lucky,” Jonghyun kisses the back of Minhyun’s hand, looking into his eyes with pure love in them, “I’m the luckiest man in the world to have you as my boyfriend.” 

Minhyun can feel his cheeks warm up. Jonghyun’s words never fail to fluster his boyfriend despite being together for years. It’s their senior year of college and they’ve been together since their freshman year, they’ve learned a lot and grown up throughout the years and they couldn’t be more grateful for each other. 

“I’m going out to get groceries, you wanna come?” 

The taller pulls away but Jonghyun pulls him closer and looks at him with a pouty expression as he sits at the edge of his bed. “Stay with me longer. I feel like we haven’t just cuddled together because of our different sleeping schedules.”

“Tch,” Minhyun chuckles as he looks off to the side, “Maybe if you didn’t game during the entire night, we would be able to cuddle more.”

“Even if I wasn’t gaming, sleeping at 10pm is ridiculous, babe,” Jonghyun groans, shaking his head.

“I have 8am classes this semester! I have to sleep early if I wanna stay awake during class. I can’t just sleep through all my classes like someone here!”

“That was one time!” Jonghyun exasperates, tugging on his boyfriend’s arms in disagreement.

Minhyun raises a brow, “Really?”

“Okay… maybe a couple times…” Minhyun’s judging gaze doesn’t leave and Jonghyun sighs, “... this week alone.”

The taller smiles at how cute Jonghyun is. He can’t help himself but to kiss his boyfriend on the forehead once more, “You’re so funny babe. Also, I would stay and cuddle, but the guys are coming over and I promised I would cook for them.” 

Jonghyun frowns, still not letting go of Minhyun’s hands, “Okay, but I’m coming with you. I need some more snacks. I ran out last night.”

Minhyun looks over at the other’s desk which is covered in empty wrappers and chip bags, “I can tell. You should probably clean up after yourself before you buy more.”

Jonghyun jumps off of his bed and grins mischievously, “Why should I when I have you, my personal vacuum cleaner, as a boyfriend?”

Minhyun groans and storms off, in which Jonghyun runs after with him and holds onto him tightly, “You know I’m just joking, babe.” 

“I know,” Minhyun ruffles his boyfriend’s hair before smacking him lightly on the face, “You’re just a bit of a dumbass.”

Jonghyun kisses the other on the cheek, “ _ Your  _ dumbass.”

“A dumbass nonetheless.”

 

Minhyun loves going to the grocery store with Jonghyun. He loves lightly displaying affection through holding Jonghyun’s hand or Jonghyun back hugging him as he picks out the best fruits and vegetables, looking for the aisle with the cheese, or simply just waiting in line for the cashier. Jonghyun does stray from him when they pass the snacks aisle, resulting in Minhyun having to scold him like a child, telling him that he can’t buy everything (“I work so I can spend my money on whatever I want!” “I don’t care. Put it back.”). Jonghyun whines, but eventually does what Minhyun says and Minhyun can’t help but think that his boyfriend is the cutest.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Minhyun grins as they put the groceries in the trunk of his car, “I always love when we go together.”

Jonghyun smiles back before putting the shopping cart back in the designated area, “Anytime, my love.”

  
  


“Dongho, shut your ass up or else I’m not feeding you tonight!” Minhyun hisses as he walks over to the dining table with a pot of korean stew in his hands, kicking his chair before setting down the food.

“I’m just saying. I never thought you and Jonghyun would last after seeing our relationship failed,” Dongho laughs as he grabs his chopsticks immediately, “Even you cooking for us right now is something high school Dongho would be surprised over.”

“I mean, seeing how they worked out and you two didn’t, maybe there’s something wrong with you, Dongho,” Minki chuckles as he grabs the serving spoon, immediately filling his bowl.

Dongho slams his chopsticks on the table, glaring at Minki who is sitting across from him, “You take that back right now, Choi Minki.”

“Make me,” Minki mischievously smiles, sticking out his tongue just a bit. Dongho is about to get up out of his seat to smack Minki, but Minhyun strongly pushes him back into his seat, “No fighting during dinner, dipshits. Y’all made me cook for you, so eat and be nice.” 

“He started it,” Dongho groans before he grabs the serving spoon from him, quickly filling his bowl and chowing down, “You win this time, Minki.” 

Aron waits quietly for his turn with the serving spoon, “Thank you for cooking for us,” he smiles innocently at the chef.

“Wow, thank you for appreciating my hard work unlike  _ some  _ people,” Minhyun glares at the other three who quickly audibly thank him soon after, “You’re welcome, friends and lovely boyfriend.” 

Jonghyun smiles as he feeds his boyfriend a piece of spam. The other three look away, desensitized but still not wanting to watch their friends act coupley with each other. “Thank you, love.” Minhyun gives him a sloppy kiss on the cheek before feeding Jonghyun back.

Being around friends and Minhyun is when Jonghyun can say he’s the happiest. It’s the best of both worlds in his opinion. He wouldn’t have been able to survive college without the four people around him and he honestly couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with such a solid foundation of people. 

  
  


 

“What do you mean you’re moving to Japan?”

Jonghyun stops what he’s doing and turns to look at Minhyun who is staring at the floor with his hands in his pockets. The only sound that can be heard is the ticking of their clock as Minhyun refuses to speak.

“You’re joking, right? Tell me that you’re joking, Hwang Minhyun.”

Jonghyun raises his voice louder and it rings through the apartment. The other doesn’t move a bit, not daring to look into his boyfriend’s piercing eyes.

“Answer me. This is a joke, right? Right?” 

Minhyun still stays silent and Jonghyun has had enough. He walks to him and pushes his boyfriend against the wall, shaking him to speak. “Answer me, please.” He can feel the tears in his eyes as he looks at Minhyun with disbelief. His grip is firm, almost hurting his boyfriend’s arms. Minhyun looks off to the side, not wanting to make eye contact.

“I’m sorry.”

A month and a half ago, Minhyun received a call from a big Japanese company asking for him to work for him. He applied some time ago, but didn’t expect to be accepted so he didn’t tell anyone about it. The job was a huge opportunity for his career that Minhyun couldn’t turn down. Since he was fluent in Japanese, he knew it wouldn’t be too hard for him to adapt either, so he accepted it. It was already the day before graduation and Minhyun barely told him now.

“I don’t want to hear that!” Jonghyun yells, sniffling right after, “Tell me that I heard you wrong. Tell me this isn’t true.”

“You heard me right, Jonghyun. My flight is in three days,” Minhyun moves his arm to the side to try to get out of Jonghyun’s grip but it’s no use as Jonghyun is using all of his strength to keep him put. 

“And you couldn’t even consult me? Or at least tell me earlier? Do I not mean anything to you?” the first tear falls down Jonghyun’s face and he desperately tries to wipe it with his sleeve without letting go of Minhyun. “And you’re leaving so soon, how could you?”

Minhyun turns to face him with a pained look on his face, “You have your own dreams, Jonghyun. If I told you, you would have just followed me to Japan and I couldn’t do that to you. I know how excited you’ve been to go to grad school \-- ”

“With you. I was excited to go  _ with _ you,” Jonghyun’s grip on Minhyun gets even tighter. Minhyun winces at the pain, but Jonghyun’s hold doesn’t ease a tiny bit, “You told me you applied to grad school too. How could you just fucking lie to me like that?”

“I didn’t lie to you. I really did apply and I thought I was going to go to grad school with you in the end,” Minhyun bites his lip, trying to hold in his emotions, “But I also applied to other things too for fun, not thinking I’d get in. But, this opportunity will do wonders to my career and I can’t just let it go.”

“Why couldn’t you tell me earlier?” Minhyun looks into Jonghyun’s eyes and he can feel as Jonghyun’s glare pierces through him and his heart, “You could’ve told me at least a month before your flight, maybe even two weeks. But three days, Minhyun? Three days?”

“I knew how excited you’ve been and I didn - ” Minhyun feels his tears well up, “I couldn’t do that to you. I was scared because I-I didn’t want to hurt you.”

“Didn’t want to hurt me, huh?” Jonghyun scoffs and his gaze completely changes. Minhyun can feel his world collapse as he’s never seen this side of his boyfriend. Jonghyun looks at Minhyun almost disgusted as he pushes Minhyun harshly to the wall, “Well, how’s that going, hm? ” 

Minhyun bounces off the wall and he can feel the pain ripple through his back. However, as much as Minhyun is in physical pain, watching Jonghyun walk out of their apartment hurt a thousand times more that he runs after him. He grabs him by the arm and pulls him into a hug.

“Let go of me. I just want to be alone just like how I will be for as long as you’ll be in Japan.”

Jonghyun uses his arm to distance himself from Minhyun, feeling his heartbeat as his hand is on his heart. He doesn’t try to run away again, but Minhyun stills holds him, quietly looking at him intently. The smaller avoids his gaze as he bites his lip. It’s quiet for a while as they both don’t know what to say.

“You can’t just leave me,” Jonghyun breaks the silence as he cries. His face scrunches up and his tears fall like waterfalls as he uses his other hand to punch Minhyun’s chest out of anger, “You’re not allowed. I love you too much for you to go.” 

Minhyun looks at Jonghyun as he’s being hit, knowing he deserves it. However, he stays strong and forwardly kisses Jonghyun to try to get him to stop. He can taste the other’s tears momentarily before Jonghyun moves and rejects the kiss. Jonghyun tilts his face downward as he stares at Minhyun’s chest, still punching at it.

“You can’t go. You can’t,” Jonghyun says a bit quieter as his tears begin to overwhelm him, “You can’t just come into my life and leave whenever you want to. It doesn’t work like that.”

“I’m not leaving your life,” Minhyun whispers softly before lowering his head and trying to kiss the other once again. Jonghyun pulls away almost immediately, looking away as his punches stop, now only gripping onto Minhyun’s clothes tightly. 

“You’re so mean. You’re such a bad boyfriend,” Jonghyun continues to mumble, his punches softening up to be just weak taps on Minhyun’s chest, “I hate you. I hate you so much. I wish I never met you.”

Those words hurt Minhyun just a bit if he’s honest, but he knows Jonghyun well enough to know that it’s not true, “No, you don’t mean that. You don’t hate me,” Minhyun moves his hands to hold onto the other’s face, making Jonghyun look at him as he speaks, “Look, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I really am. I thought I was protecting you by not saying anything but I realize now that I hurt you by doing this. But, babe, I truly believe we can fight long distance. I won’t be there forever and we can skype and text everyday. It’s only a short plane ride away so I can visit often as well.”

For a moment, Jonghyun looks into Minhyun’s eyes without a word and Minhyun stares back with a soft smile. A tear slowly falls from Minhyun’s face, but he still loses himself in his boyfriend’s soft brown eyes. Jonghyun looks like he’ll be okay and Minhyun feels relieved for a little bit, but everything falls back apart as Jonghyun clings onto him, holding onto him tightly as he cries into his shirt.

“This isn’t the end of us. I promise,” Minhyun whispers as he kisses the crown of Jonghyun’s head. He showers Jonghyun with soft kisses where ever he can reach, “I love you too much to let you go.”

 

 

The first nights without Minhyun are almost unbearable. Jonghyun, not wanting to be alone in their apartment, moved out and moved into Aron, Minki, and Dongho’s place instead. They all planned to stay in the city after graduation anyways so it was a stable place for him to stay. Aron, graduated two years ago, has a stable job in an entertainment company in the communications department. Dongho will be attending grad school the upcoming new school year to be a marine biologist. Minki is currently a freelance artist but has recently expressed having an interest in fashion.

Jonghyun honestly could have found a job without grad school, but because he was excited to go grad school with Minhyun, he decided to go for his masters in computer science. 

He shares a room with Minki, who is usually out of town for his job. It’s nice when Minki isn’t home because Jonghyun feels like he can cry in peace. No one to worry, to ask if he is okay, or simply no one that could potentially feel uncomfortable with his emotional presence. 

“Please pick up,” Jonghyun whispers as he places his phone to his ear, the soft ringing of the call playing until it goes straight to voicemail. The man sighs and is about to call again until he gets a text.

 

**My Dearest [11:50pm]**

sorry bub i’m at a welcoming party with my team right now. :(

tomorrow we will call i swear!!!

**Baby Bugi [11:51pm]**

ah, okay i understand

have fun stay safe drink water

**My Dearest [11:53pm]**

I love you.

**Baby Bugi [11:53pm]**

And I love you too.

 

Jonghyun frowns as he pulls the covers over him, facing toward the wall. He can’t stop thinking about Minhyun and how much he loves and misses him. To go from spending almost every second of their lives together to being a country apart breaks Jonghyun’s heart. Despite having his close friends still with him, he can’t help but feel alone. 

He grabs his phone and plays his recording of Minhyun singing Bolbbagan4’s “Galaxy”. The tears fall down his face and onto his pillow. His weeping sounds are ugly and he acknowledges it, but he can’t help but verbally express his distress, because his heart hurts and he misses Minhyun. He misses Minhyun’s cuddles, his soft hearty laugh, his warmth, his undivided attention for him, and Jonghyun could keep go on and on, but it won’t bring Minhyun back to his rightful place in Jonghyun’s arms. 

Jonghyun plays Minhyun’s cover on loop until his eyes close and he can finally go to sleep.

 

 

 

“Jonghyun, please. You can’t just stay here all day,” Dongho places his hands on his hips as he walks into the apartment and sees his friend curled up on the couch, binge watching some random drama.

It’s been a few weeks since graduation and Minhyun’s move to Japan. Jonghyun mainly just stays at home and does nothing while the rest go out, as Aron has a stable job, Minki has recently been hired by someone out of town to design a mural, and Dongho has an internship at a local aquarium. He doesn’t feel any guilt for being home, but Dongho can’t keep his mouth shut anymore. 

The other looks at Dongho with a frown, pausing his show, “It’s not like I have anything to do. Let me live my vacation before grad school in peace.” Jonghyun rests his head back down and resumes watching.

Dongho grabs the remote from Jonghyun and turns it off, earning an annoyed glare from the other, “Why don’t you get an internship or at least a random part time job? Just something so you don’t just rot here all day.”

Jonghyun tries to grab the remote back but Dongho keeps a firm grip on it, “All that matters is I’m paying for rent and utilities so let me be!”

“You look so sad like this, Jonghyun!” Dongho hisses as he slides the remote to the other side of the room, “Your life shouldn’t just be on pause because your boyfriend isn’t in the country! You need to live your life independently happy too.”

“If I want to sulk, I should be allowed to sulk. You have no right to fucking tell me what to do with my life,” Jonghyun gets up off the couch and pushes Dongho (but with his little strength it doesn’t affect Dongho much), “I’m going back into my room. It’s too toxic out here.”

Jonghyun slams the door loudly and Dongho stands there for a while. He then sighs deeply before folding Jonghyun’s blanket and cleaning up after the other’s mess of various snack wrappers afterwards.

“You should stop nagging him,” Aron chuckles as he helps Dongho pick up the wrappers.

The younger jumps up at Aron’s sudden appearance. He swears to himself that he didn’t even hear the door open or close, “When did you get home?”

“I came in during ‘you look so sad like this, Jonghyun,” Aron walks into the kitchen and throws what’s in his hands into the trash, “I understand you’re worried for him, but you have to understand that the kid is going through a lot right now.”

“It’s been weeks, Aron,  _ weeks _ ,” Dongho sighs as he sits on the now clean couch, “Everyone else is doing things with their life but he’s still moping around.”

Aron softly smiles as he pats the other’s shoulder, “I’ll just talk to him then. Maybe I can knock some sense into the boy.”

“Good luck.”

The eldest knocks on the door to Jonghyun and Minki’s room. With no response, Aron decides to open the door, in which he sees Jonghyun curled up in his blankets, facing the wall.

“Dongho, I don’t want to to you right now, I--”

“It’s me, Aron,” he closes the door behind him and walks over to Jonghyun who is now turned around and looking at him, “Can I sit down?”

Jonghyun sits up and makes space for the other to sit on his bed. If he is honest, he doesn’t talk to Aron as much as the others, but he does respect and care about the other a lot. “What’s up?” 

“How have you been doing?” 

“I’ve been better for sure,” he dryly chuckles, “I miss him a lot. I thought it would get easier but it hasn’t.” 

Aron looks down at his hands in thought before looking back at the other with a soft gleam in his eyes, “You know, I used to be like you not too long ago.”

“What do you mean?”

The older leans back against the wall, licking his lips before speaking, “I was dating someone before I met you guys. His name was Peniel and oh, was Peniel dreamy,” Aron laughs to himself with a big smile, “I met him at the university and he was actually my roommate. We were both international students so we clicked almost immediately. One thing after another and we started dating, but things, of course, eventually went wrong.”

Jonghyun stays quiet as he listens, noticing Aron’s big smile slowly fading away into a more serious expression. 

“We spent a lot of time together because we had the same friends and we also lived together. Everything was happy and we were very much in love. Out of nowhere, towards the end of our second year, he told me he was going back home to the States because he was getting kicked out of university and I was so confused,” he bites his lip as the emotions begin to hit him again, “It turns out he was lying to me about his grades. His A’s were B’s. His B’s were C’s. His C’s were D’s and his D’s were F’s. So I always thought his grades were at a good standing, but they weren’t. It really hurt me not just because he was getting expelled, but because I would’ve tried to help him if I knew, but he didn’t even give me the chance.”

Aron takes a deep breath in and out and Jonghyun holds onto his hand with a comforting smile, “Are you okay? You don’t have to talk about this if it still hurts you.”

“I’m fine. It’s been years and I have a point to this story,” he smiles as he rubs the other’s hand with his thumb, “So, I broke up with him because I felt so betrayed. He had to move back to the States and I felt really alone. I still had my friends but they just reminded me of him so I spent my summer mainly just going to class and going back to my room, not talking to anyone and not doing anything.”

The smile on Aron’s face returns as he looks at the other warmly, “But as much as I believe that was good me time to get over everything, what really helped me was going out because that’s when I met you guys. I was tired of staying home all the time so I went to that dinky little arcade and you, Minki, and Minhyun were trying to fight me in DDR.”

Jonghyun laughs loudly, remembering that day clearly, “Okay, it was honestly just Minki looking for a fight. The three of us just met at freshman orientation so me and Minhyun were so surprised with how fiesty Minki was.” 

“Yeah, and then you know the story. I lost so I had to buy the three of you food and we ended up hitting it off. Dongho joined us a little bit later and the rest is history,” Aron jumps off the bed and stands in front of the other as he smacks his thighs lightly, “My point is I was able to get over things better the one day I went out compared to the weeks I spent inside and I know it’s not the exact same thing as you’re still dating Minhyun, but that’s my experience. My company is looking for an intern who majored in computer science and I can give you a good recommendation, but I’m not forcing you to do anything. This is just for whenever you feel ready, but you shouldn’t wait too long because the longer you wait, the more opportunities will slip past your fingertips.”

The younger nods, looking at the floor in silence, beginning to get lost in his thoughts.

Aron taps the other’s head to regain his attention, “I have some extra work I have to do, so I’ll leave you alone now, okay?” He begins to walk out of the room.

“Wait, I have one last question,” Jonghyun looks up as he calls the other, who then stops right in his place and turns back at him, “Yes?”

“Do you still talk to him? Peniel, right?”

“Yeah, he came to visit a couple days ago,” Aron nods with a smirk on his face, “We hung out… for a while.”

“You mean the night you didn’t come back home for ‘certain reasons’?” Jonghyun raises his eyebrows at the other, the very obvious pink showing on Aron’s cheeks.

“Maybe!” Aron quickly runs out of the room, slamming the door loudly (on accident), not wanting to answer any more questions of the matter. Jonghyun lays in his bed and laughs loudly, never thinking Aron was the type to even have a love life before their conversation.

Jonghyun knows Aron (and Dongho, sadly) is right. He knows he should be going out and doing things. Minhyun has been telling him the same, but he feels so unmotivated to do so. Having his number one supporter by his side motivated him so much throughout college, but now it’s not the same.

He goes on his phone and looks on Snapchat, clicking on Minhyun’s story almost immediately. Minhyun is smiling brightly as he takes pictures with his new friends and he makes sure to record everything for everyone to see. Jonghyun swipes to see his messages and he clicks on the video Minhyun sent him. It’s a short clip with him just saying a simple “I love you,” but something so simple has Jonghyun replaying it several times, smiling brighter and brighter every replay.

“If he’s living his own life happily, so should I.”

 

 

  
  


Jonghyun stands outside of the data research department with sweaty palms and jittery hands. He told Aron the next day that he would take the internship and they were quick to accept him. Jonghyun’s knowledge of the entertainment industry (bless his years of fanboying over Red Velvet) and his passion for data research was helpful for his application as well, but he still felt like he’s underqualified for even getting intern at such a good company. 

He opens the door and there are several people sitting at their desks, staring at their computers. Looking around, he sees a big cubicle and assumes that the man sitting there is his boss so he quickly walks over, but someone steps in front of him and holds out his hand.

“Hi, you’re the new intern here, right? I’m Im Youngmin. I’m your co-intern,” the man grins at Jonghyun, waiting for him to shakes his hand. Jonghyun hesitates, looking at the other’s hand and at his face before shaking his hand. He smiles back, “I’m Kim Jonghyun, nice to meet you.”

Jonghyun tries to let go of the other’s hand but Youngmin grips onto it tightly as he pulls him to the big cubicle. They stand a couple feet away and Youngmin lets go of the other’s hand and Jonghyun quickly wipes it on his pants as his hands were already sweaty from being nervous.

“Boss, I found the new intern! His name is Kim Jonghyun,” Youngmin grins as he pushes the other forward. The boss turns his chair and faces the two of them. Jonghyun is surprised at how young he looks, but is quick to bow, “Yes, I’m Kim Jonghyun and I will work hard.”

“I know,” the boss laughs loudly, “I’m Ha Sungwoon and I’m your boss here at the data research department. Aron’s told me a lot about you so I look forward to working with you.” 

Sungwoon stands up and Jonghyun is surprised once again at how short his boss is, expecting him for some reason to be taller, but he doesn’t say anything that could potentially offend him. The boss pats him on the back and hands him a bunch of paperwork to fill out that has to be done before he starts working.

Jonghyun turns to find a table to write on and notices that Youngmin is nowhere to be seen, but he doesn’t think much of it and quickly fills out his paperwork. It’s all the basics like name, birthday, college education, social security number, and other similar information. Once he’s done, he hands it to Sungwoon who points him to his own cubicle. He’s informed that he’ll be sent via email to do small tasks for the regular employees. They’ll either be calculations, tedious data inserts, communicating with other departments or just getting coffee. It seems relatively easy that Jonghyun doesn’t complain. 

“Hey, let's get lunch together!” Youngmin propositions as he rolls into Jonghyun’s cubicle with his chair. He has the same bright grin on his face, but Jonghyun doesn’t even bat an eye at his good looks (or that’s what he tells himself). 

“Sure. You can show me around the company too, if that’s cool.”

“Deal!”

  
  


Jonghyun learns a lot about Youngmin in the short hour lunch break. It’s mainly Youngmin talking and Jonghyun listening, but he finds out that Youngmin is also a recent computer science graduate from a closeby university. He’s originally from Busan and computer science was never something he saw himself doing, but after taking one coding class as an elective, he fell in love and switched majors. He entered the company a couple days before Jonghyun did, but honestly gets hardly any work to do so he assures Jonghyun that it’s an easy job. 

“You don’t talk much,” Youngmin squints once he’s done rambling about something Jonghyun wasn’t fully paying attention to. The two of them are walking back to the workroom after a filling meal in the cafeteria.

“Uh, I guess so,” Jonghyun shrugs, “I just struggle finding things to say or simply talk about.” 

Youngmin nods, “I can accept that, but you know it’d be nice for you to show some sort of reciprocation here.”

“Oh,” Jonghyun rubs his neck, “I thought you enjoyed blabbing so much so I just let you do your thing.” 

“I-I swear I’m usually not this talkative! I’m just excited… I guess?” Youngmin awkwardly chuckles as he looks at the other briefly before averting his eyes in embarrassment.

Jonghyun looks at Youngmin and laughs as he smacks the other on the back, “I’m just joking with you. Geez. You’re fine the way you are. I’m just not good at speaking.”

Youngmin smiles as he smacks the other back, “That’s the most I’ve heard you speak in one go since I met you.”

“You literally just met me a couple of hours ago,” Jonghyun rolls his eyes.

“Exactly. That’s still a lot of time of hearing ‘oh that’s cool’ or ‘me too’ or ‘that’s interesting’ o--”

Jonghyun covers the other’s mouth, “I get it now be quiet.”

Youngmin licks Jonghyun’s hand and he quickly lets go, “Are you five? What the hell, you’re disgusting.” He wipes his hand on his pants.

The other sticks his tongue out and grins, “That’s what you get for covering my mouth.” 

“Interns, can you two walk any slower? Get over here! I have work for you guys!” Sungwoon yells from the doorway, getting the two to quickly run over and do what they’re told. 

  
  


The days soon turn to weeks and Jonghyun begins to enjoy interning more and more. Sure, the pay is little to nothing and the work is more tedious than fulfilling, but he earned a pretty cool friend through interning and that’s a huge plus in his book considering Jonghyun making friends in general is such a rare occurrence. He tells Minhyun everything and he really enjoys having things to tell Minhyun rather than just sadly listening to Minhyun’s busy life. 

“Hey, let's eat lunch together today. We’ve been working under the same company for weeks yet we haven’t eaten at the cafeteria together,” Aron grins as he waits for Jonghyun to finish getting ready, twirling his new car keys on his finger, “I wanna meet that Youngmin guy too.” 

Jonghyun stands up after putting on his shoes, mirroring the same bright smile as Aron’s, “Sure, yeah let's do that,” he looks at Aron’s car keys and chuckles, “I keep forgetting you have a car now. It’s so weird. Thank you for now becoming my transportation to work.”

“I worked my ass off for my baby. I didn’t buy it to be your personal chauffeur,” Aron rolls his eyes as he walks out of the apartment, Jonghyun following.

“That’s what you say, but look at you here driving me to work,” Jonghyun laughs loudly, quickly receiving a punch on the arm from the other.

“You say one more thing and I’m not letting you into my car.”

Jonghyun gets on his knees and clings onto the older’s legs tightly, “Please don’t make me go on the bus. It’s always stinky on there. I hate it.” 

“Okay, fine. Get up.” Aron shakes his leg and Jonghyun gets up happily, kissing the other on the cheek. “Yay let’s go!” He then runs to Aron’s car and sits inside before the other can change his mind.

“Why do I deal with him sometimes?” 

  
  


“Aron!” Jonghyun yells as he sees Aron looking for a seat, waving his hands to get his attention as well. The older quickly spots him and comes over with his tray of food. He takes a seat next to Jonghyun, his attention going to the one at the table he’s never met.

“Oh, uhm. Aron, this is Youngmin, my co-intern and friend and Youngmin, this is Aron, my housemate and close friend,” Jonghyun awkwardly chuckles. The two shakes hands and smile at each other before they start to eat.

“So, did you see Sungwoon get mad at Taehyun for eating beef jerky in the workroom?” Youngmin breaks the silence with a laugh.

Jonghyun groans, “No one could even smell it, but of course he had to make it such a big deal. I feel bad for the guy. He had to throw away the entire bag. Sungwoon and his vegan rule is honestly so suffocating.” 

“‘You’re not allowed to eat or drink anything that’s not vegan in this work space!’ It’s honestly so dumb,” Youngmin looks at Jonghyun as he imitates their boss and laughs brightly. 

“Ah man, I knew Sungwoon was vegan, but I didn’t know he was like that,” Aron adds to the conversation, internally happily that he could relate somehow.

As the conversation continues, Aron can’t help but feel like an outsider as he hardly knows what the two are talking about. Instead he simply observes how the two interact, but the more he notices things, the more uncomfortable he gets. He notices how Youngmin’s eyes sparkle as he looks at Jonghyun and how he looks at him for a second or two longer than most people do. Jonghyun looks so comfortable in Youngmin’s presence and almost melts at every word he speaks and there’s only one other person Aron’s seen Jonghyun act like this toward and that’s Minhyun. 

_ “I’m overthinking things because I’m bored. There’s no way,” _ Aron thinks to himself, trying to not let himself be bothered by the situation. 

“Aron,” Youngmin waves his hand in front of the other’s face, “Why don’t you like people calling you hyung?”

Aron blinks to regain his attention back to the conversation, “Oh, I just don’t find it as necessary because we don’t really have that in English. I mean, I’m okay if people call me it. I just don’t wanna force it so no one in our friend group calls me hyung.”

“Yeah, people think it’s weird at first, but it’s kinda nice,” Jonghyun chimes in with a smile.

“That’s so cute,” Youngmin laughs, casually putting his hand on top of Jonghyun’s, which is comfortably laying on the table.

Aron’s eyes dart towards Youngmin’s hand and then to Jonghyun who seems unphased by the skinship. The older didn’t want to think much of the situation, but he can’t help but have a strong gut feeling in his heart that he’s not overthinking things. 

  
  


“How was work today?” Aron casually breaks the silence as they drive back to the apartment after a long day. 

“It was alright. Same old same old.” Jonghyun looks at the other with a soft smile, but Aron remains expressionless, his eyes glued to the road.

“That Youngmin guy seems nice.”

Jonghyun shrugs, “Yeah. I guess so.”

The light turns red and Aron faces Jonghyun, his glare piercing like darts, “Does he know you’re dating someone?” 

“What do you mean by that?” Jonghyun furrows his eyebrows, feeling defensive.

“I saw how that guy was acting towards you. He clearly likes you. Does Minhyun know about this, Jonghyun?”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jonghyun looks at the road, “The light is green by the way.”

Aron faces forward again and grabs the wheel, making a swift turn to the side of the road. He shifts the car’s gear to park and faces Jonghyun once again, “Youngmin was just oozing with love for you, how could you not tell?”

“Stop this. You’re making a big deal out of nothing. He doesn’t like me. We’re  _ just _ friends,” Jonghyun grits through his teeth.

Aron rolls his eyes and turns back to the road, getting ready to resume driving home, “Whatever you say. Just don’t let Minhyun see whatever the fuck that was, okay? You were acting pretty natural about it too, giggling and enjoying his company like you don’t have a boyfriend.” 

“Don’t try to act like you’re my dad. Just because you’re older doesn’t mean you get to look down on me like this,” Jonghyun’s voice raises in volume, each word spat with an intention to fight.

“I’m not looking down on you. I just concerned because I don’t want this to become a bad situation because it can easily be avoided I don’t want this to hurt Minhyun nor you.” 

“It’s not going to hurt either of us,” Jonghyun pauses for a moment as he realizes what Aron actually means, “Unless you think I’m going to cheat on Minhyun with Youngmin.”

“I didn’t say that.”

“But you thought that, didn’t you?”

Aron stays silent, but that tells Jonghyun everything he needs to hear. 

“I can’t believe you,” Jonghyun unbuckles his seatbelt unlocks his door, “You’re supposed to be my friend. You’re supposed to be on my side.”

“Jonghyun-ah, I’ve been on your side. I’m always on your side. It’s just that you’ve been talking about him a lot at the house too, more than Minhyun too.” 

Jonghyun looks at Aron in disbelief, his eyes widened and his heart torn, “Oh my god. You think I don’t love him anymore.”

“That’s not what I meant, Jonghyun.”

“No, that’s  _ exactly  _ what you meant,” Jonghyun glares at Aron with watery eyes, “You really fucking think that I don’t love Minhyun anymore and that I’d cheat on my him.”

“Jong--”

“I love Minhyun. I love him so much and it hurts me that after four years of you seeing us together you would think I would hurt him like this,” he scoffs, “I always knew you favored him over me.”

Jonghyun grabs the door handle to leave and Aron tries to hold onto him, but he quickly pulls away, “Don’t be like this.”

“You started this, Aron,” Jonghyun opens the door and hops off, “I’ll get home my own way. I don’t want to be anywhere near you right now..” 

Aron sighs as the door slams in his face. It’s obvious he fucked up, so he just drives off to give Jonghyun some space, and the latter calls the one he’s told to stay away from, driven by spite.

“Hey, Youngmin. I kinda need a ride right now. Can you come and pick me up?”

  
  


Youngmin is very attractive, but Jonghyun refuses to say that outloud. Even when Youngmin is taking off his shirt right in front of him, showing off his well defined muscles, he refuses. Not even when he gives Jonghyun that same goofy grin that he’s had since day one, he refuses to say anything.

“Do you want anything to drink or eat?” 

“Soju, if you have any?” Jonghyun grins as he shoots finger guns at his friend.

“Yeah, I’ll bring it out right now with some snacks,” Youngmin walks away and Jonghyun sighs as he lays on the floor. 

Jonghyun told Youngmin when he picked him up that he wanted to be anywhere but home, so Youngmin took him to his place, which was a small one bedroom apartment nearby their company. Youngmin didn’t ask him any questions as to why he was stranded at the side of the road and Jonghyun really appreciated that.

Youngmin comes in with a couple bottles of soju as well as a bag of chips. Jonghyun’s eyes sparkle at the sight of alcohol and Youngmin can’t help but notice and laugh. 

“Why are you laughing?”

“It just seems like you really want to drink and it’s cute,” Youngmin laughs as he sets the drinks down on the floor where Jonghyun is sitting.

Jonghyun notices the other call him “cute,” but he chooses to ignore it. “Yeah, when I want alcohol, I really want alcohol,” he chuckles awkwardly. 

They both grab a bottle and click them together before drinking straight from it. There’s silence in the air, because Jonghyun doesn’t really know what to say. He can’t tell Youngmin that Aron thinks that he’s going to cheat on his boyfriend with him. He also notices that he really did never tell Youngmin that he’s in a long distance relationship, but randomly saying it now would be uncomfortable, especially if Aron is right and Youngmin does like him that way. 

“So, uhm,” Youngmin licks his lips nervously, “Did you and Aron get in a fight? You don’t have to tell me why or any details, but it’d be nice to know a little bit to why you were where you were when you called me.”

Jonghyun sets down his bottle for a moment, rubbing the back of his neck, “Yeah, we got in a fight. It was probably the biggest fight we’ve gotten into in our four years of friendship.” 

“I can’t believe you just got out of his car,” Youngmin pauses, “Or did he kick you out?”

“I left myself,” he sighs, “I just couldn’t stay in that car. I couldn’t deal with what he was saying anymore.”

“Ah, okay. It must’ve been rough,” he pouts a bit, “Well, you can stay here for as long as you need to.”

“Thanks,” Jonghyun picks up his bottle again and continues to drink, “It means a lot for you to say that and I hope you know that. I’m really glad we’ve gotten close so quickly.”

Youngmin smiles brightly, his cheeks pink from either the alcohol or Jonghyun’s words, “I’m really glad too. You’re pretty cool.”

Jonghyun smiles back before finishing his first bottle and cracking open another one. He drinks because he doesn’t want to think about how much Aron’s words hurt. He wants to feel numb, but Youngmin grabs the bottle from him.

“I think you should slow down. There’s no rush to drink. We have all night to drink, so slow down before you throw up,” Youngmin puts the bottle behind him, but Jonghyun desperately reaches for it.

“No, I want it now,” Jonghyun crawls forward, wrapping his arms around Youngmin to grab the bottle from behind him, “I need it.”

Youngmin doesn’t push Jonghyun away, but holds onto the bottle tightly so Jonghyun can’t take it, “I’ll give it to you if you tell me what Aron said to hurt you so much. It’s not healthy for you to drink your problems away.” 

“Okay, fine,” Jonghyun sighs, not moving his body further from Youngmin, but simply making eye contact, “He was just being rude and degrading me. It’s like he hasn’t been my friend all these years, like he doesn’t even know me,” Jonghyun pauses for a moment, “He also said he thinks you like me an--”

“Well, he’s not wrong.” 

Jonghyun stares at the other blankly, “W-what?”

“He’s not wrong, Jonghyun. I like you a lot.”

Youngmin lets go of the bottle and holds Jonghyun’s face, pulling his face closer until their lips crash together. Jonghyun can’t help but notice his heart race and Youngmin’s ever so soft lips. He wants to move forward and do more, but he realizes quickly that this is so wrong.

In a split second, every moment with Minhyun flashes before his eyes. From the moment they fell in love to the last video call they had. Jonghyun can almost see his crescent eyes when he smiles, hear his hearty laugh, feel his warm embrace, soft kisses and his gentle touch. Everything related to Minhyun that he knows hits him in the heart. He pushes Youngmin away and stands up.

“I-I-I-I’m sorry. I c-can’t,” he whispers before running out of the apartment. He can hear Youngmin yelling for him, but he doesn’t stop. He wants to run away, far away, but his legs don’t allow him so he stops. The tears fall nonstop and his hands shake as he calls for an Uber. 

The Uber driver doesn’t say a word and he quickly makes his way back home. He heads straight to his bed, not caring if he hasn’t showered or if anyone is home. He curls into his blankets and lets the tears fall on his pillow.

“It was just a kiss. I still love Minhyun,” Jonghyun repeatedly whispers to himself until he falls asleep.

 

 

 

The next morning, Jonghyun wakes up to his alarm and his heart still feels heavy. His stomach contracts and he runs to the toilet to throw up. He feels absolutely miserable already, but hearing Youngmin’s words ring in his head makes him feel even worse.

_ “He’s not wrong, Jonghyun. I like you a lot.” _

Jonghyun clenches his fists in frustration, punching the closest thing to him. Why did Aron have to be right? Why couldn’t be he wrong? This isn’t how things shouldn’t be. Things were finally going well for Jonghyun for the first time since Minhyun’s leave and now he feels like absolute garbage once again.

He takes a quick shower, feeling disgusted at his own smell of sweat and alcohol, but he doesn’t dress in his work clothes but into house clothes. He’s in no condition to go into work like this, especially with Youngmin as his co-intern. Back into bed, Jonghyun curls up into his sheets.

“Hey, Jonghyun, can we talk?” Aron knocks on his door before entering. He walks in cautiously, but once he sees his housemate ghostly in bed, his expression grows concerned, “Are you okay?”

“I don’t feel too good,” Jonghyun groans as his stomach is still eating him alive.

“Well, first, I hope you get better and second, I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday,” Aron frowns, “I had no right to say those things to you and assume the worst out of you. That was wrong of me and I acknowledge that. Can you forgive me?”

Jonghyun looks at Aron and it hurts him that Aron is apologizing over something that he was right about, but he can’t tell him that. “Of course, dude.”

A bright smiles appears on Aron’s face, “Thanks. Also, how did you get home last night? I ended up going out with Minki so by the time we came back you were already asleep.”

“I called Joshua and we hung out for a bit before he dropped me off.”

“Mmm, okay, well, I’ll be going to work. I’ll tell Sungwoon you’re sick so you don’t have to call in.” 

“Thank you.”

Aron walks out of Jonghyun and Minki’s room and takes out his phone as he feels just a little bit suspicious.

 

**American Roommate [08:09am]**

hey didn’t u say u dropped off joshua to the airport yesterday

**Thicc Thighs [08:11am]**

yeah he’s gonna be in america for the next month why do u ask

**American Roommate [08:12am]**

no reason also pls take out the trash

**Thicc Thighs [08:13am]**

im pretty sure its ur turn but fine ok

 

He puts his phone in his pocket before walking out of the apartment and into his car. No words are said, but an audible sigh comes out of his mouth, no energy in him to say anything else.

  
  


 

 

The next few days are absolute hell for Jonghyun as he spends them in bed, lost in his own toxic thoughts. His upset stomach goes away by the first day, but he doesn’t feel good about seeing Youngmin yet, so he stays in bed and fakes his sickness. He doesn’t speak to anyone in the apartment other than short answers to his friends’ questions. They try to feed him at the least, but he refuses to eat more than a few bites.

It was just a simple kiss and Jonghyun tries to convince him that he shouldn’t let it bother him so much, but he can’t help but hate himself for letting it happen. He should’ve moved away faster, he should’ve never been so close to him, and he should’ve never gotten tipsy with him either. 

By the weekend, Jonghyun gets out of bed and actually tries to do his work on his desk. Despite being sick, he gets a lot of emails from his coworkers for help on certain projects and he manages to get them done. It feels good to be doing well and he feels his mood getting better.

“Jonghyun.”

Jonghyun turns his head to the source of the voice and he sees Minhyun. Was this a dream? He hasn’t seen Minhyun in weeks that it feels like a dream. That is until he walks closer to him and pulls him into a warm embrace. Jonghyun almost melts in his boyfriend’s arms, the familiar feeling is all that he has been needing that he can’t control himself as his tears fall. 

“Wait no, baby. Why are you crying? Please don’t cry,” Minhyun lets go of Jonghyun and cups his face, wiping Jonghyun’s tears with his thumbs. He looks deep into his eyes and he feels his emotions stir up as he realizes he missed something so simple as looking directly at the love of his life. 

Tears fall down Minhyun’s face as he kisses the other softly on his lips. Jonghyun kisses him back, pulling him closer that Minhyun sits directly onto his lap. Minhyun’s hands go from Jonghyun’s face to combing through his hair as he kisses him with more force, grinding his crotch onto Jonghyun’s as well. Jonghyun moves Minhyun so that they can both stand up for a bit until Jonghyun pushes him onto his bed, hovering over him as he continues making out with him. 

Minhyun’s lips are irresistible, but he stops and pulls away. He looks at Minhyun and he blushes uncontrollably, “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too, baby,” Minhyun whispers lowly before flipping Jonghyun onto his back. He looks at Jonghyun in awe once more, before resuming their making of love. 

  
  


“I heard from Aron that you’ve been sick the past couple of days. Are you feeling better now?” 

The two of them are at their usual Korean BBQ place, holding hands as they wait for their order to arrive. They used to come so often that the workers recognize them immediately and ask how they’ve been doing. It feels as though nothing even changed between them. both wanting to savor this moment.

“Yeah, I feel a lot better now especially with you here,” Jonghyun smiles brightly, “How long will you be in the country for?”

“Just until Monday. I’m sorry it’s so short, but I’ve been wanting to see you that even just a few days were better than none,” he frowns, and although Jonghyun is happy to have his boyfriend in front of him right now, it hurts to think of the inevitable, especially seeing his boyfriend’s sad face.

“It’s okay. You’re here now, so lets enjoy it.”

The meat comes right after and the two spend their meal chatting happily and filling their stomachs to the brim. Although they usually talk almost every night, the past few days that Jonghyun has been “sick,” he told Minhyun he was too tired to call, but in reality he didn’t have the heart to speak to him. Because of the days of silence, Jonghyun and Minhyun caught up with each other about what’s been going on. Jonghyun thinks about telling Minhyun about the kiss, but he decides not to because it’ll only do more harm than good.

They finish their meal and decide to get dessert afterwards. Jonghyun and Minhyun were never the couple to hide their relationship, especially with their sexuality, so they loved holding hands in public. “If we hide who we are just because we’re scared of what society will think of us, then we’re only proving to them that gay is not normal,” Minhyun would say when they first started dating, “I wanna show off to the world that you’re my boyfriend.”

Their arms swing back and forth as they walk to the closeby ice cream place, fingers interlocked with warm smiles on their faces. Jonghyun pays for the ice cream and the meal despite Minhyun insisting on paying, but Jonghyun says Minhyun already paid for his plane ticket so he should at least pay for food. They get different flavors and share, getting the best of both worlds.

Jonghyun boops Minhyun’s nose, placing a little bit of ice cream on it as well, “The cutest boyfriend.”

Minhyun rolls his eyes and dips his finger in his chocolate ice cream, swirling it in the air afterwards. He tries to make the suspense more dramatic, but Jonghyun grabs his hand and sticks Minhyun’s finger in his mouth.

“Y-you… shouldn’t be doing that,” Minhyun blushes as he looks the other way, wanting to pull his finger out of Jonghyun’s mouth but his heart stops him, “It makes me thinks things I shouldn’t be thinking about in public.”

Jonghyun pulls away and laughs loudly, “I just didn’t want you to waste ice cream. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

“Don’t try to act innocent here!” Minhyun yells as he wipes his finger on his pants, firmly smacking him afterwards wherever he can reach. 

Everyone around them stares at the commotion, but they don’t care and continue to laugh loudly and joke around until the owner tells them they’re being a disturbance and have to leave. It’s usual for them, so they don’t think much of it and simply leave.

  
  
  


The night soon comes and with the moonlight shining softly on Jonghyun, he glows beautifully in Minhyun's eyes. They're laying loosely in each other’s arms on Jonghyun’s twin sized bed, facing and looking at each other without a single word.

Sometimes Minhyun can't even believe Jonghyun is real even when he’s in front of him. He looks into his deep brown--almost black-- eyes. It's as if the sparkle in Jonghyun's eyes are a miniature image of the stars in the galaxy. Minhyun feels like he can only delve into them to fully appreciate their beauty because the amount of time he gets to stare into them isn't enough. It's moments like these where Minhyun loses track of time and even forgets to speak.

Jonghyun smiles softly as he brushes Minhyun's hair out of his eyes. He can't help but stare back, Minhyun's eyes sucking him in like a black hole in the universe, losing himself in them as his heart spirals out of control. Even when Minhyun is the softest and the most in love, his gaze is still intense, but Jonghyun believes Minhyun's eyes are beautifully simple like the universe in its darkest areas. He can stare into them for ages and still can't believe there's more to the person that owns them that are even more beautiful and more lovable.

They stay like that until the late hours of the night until the first person succumbs to his fatigue and not only closes his eyes but the other's looking glass into infinity.

“You are my treasure -- the most precious thing in my life,” the other whispers, in awe of how serene his boyfriend looks in his sleep, “I love you more than anything in this world.”

  
  


Jonghyun, surprisingly, is the first to wake up. He honestly gets a little surprised seeing Minhyun next to him because it’s been so long since he’s woken up with his boyfriend next to him. Minhyun looks so peaceful asleep that even though they have things to do today, Jonghyun doesn’t even want to wake him up. 

Instead, Jonghyun admires Minhyun, who looks quite peaceful in his sleep. His eyes first go to Minhyun’s milky white and poreless skin which has always been a feature that Jonghyun is jealous of. Throughout college, Jonghyun struggled with acne and Minhyun could never relate to his troubles. He would use all these different types of skin care while Minhyun would just wash his face and put moisturizer, if he was feeling fancy he would do more (by stealing Jonghyun’s face products) but he never really needed it. 

If Jonghyun wasn’t controlling himself to not wake up Minhyun, he would’ve booped Minhyun’s nose right then and there. Minhyun’s nose is cute in Jonghyun’s opinion. Minhyun has always been insecure of its round tip but Jonghyun would tell him time after time that he loves it. Jonghyun especially loves when Minhyun gets upset and his nostrils flare up. Even when Minhyun yells at him for something serious, Jonghyun could never take him seriously because of how cute he looked. 

Despite staring into Minhyun’s eyes all night, Jonghyun still wishes he could see into them now. Minhyun’s eyes are deep and lovely. People say eyes are the way to one’s soul and Jonghyun wholeheartedly believes that. It was because of Minhyun’s eyes that started their relationship. With Jonghyun staring at the ground during orientation looking obviously confused, Minhyun and his sharp eyes decided to approach him and be friends, telling himself earlier that he needed to make friends in college and get out of his shell.

Minhyun wouldn’t be Minhyun without his soft pink lips. With his cupid’s bow the shape of a heart, whenever he puckered his lips for a kiss, Jonghyun’s heart will always swoon at the doubled expression of love. Without even touching his lips, he can vividly remember the feeling of them against his own. They are almost always soft as Minhyun is an avid lip balm user, but Jonghyun would always joke around that he’s never complained about things getting a little rough (9/10 times receiving a punch on the arm afterwards). 

_ “I don’t deserve this man,”  _ Jonghyun thinks to himself as his heart beats faster,  _ “It’s not fair that he’s too perfect.” _

“Are you ever planning on waking me up,” Minhyun mumbles, keeping his eyes closed. 

Jonghyun blinks, “Have you been awake this entire time?”

“Yeah, I woke up before you, but I wanted to see how you would wake me up so I pretended to still be asleep but I’m bored now,” Minhyun laughs, opening his eyes and kissing the other quickly on the lips, “What were you even doing? Did you go back to sleep?”

“No… I was just admiring you,” Jonghyun blushes, touching his cheeks to check if they’re warming up. 

“You’re so cute,” Minhyun sits up and smiles at Jonghyun, “But we have to get up. We got plans with the guys today. Minki should be back from work soon.”

Jonghyun almost forgot that it’s actually their day to hangout with Dongho, Aron and Minki. Since Minki has been busy traveling around the country for work, it’s a blessing that him coming home is the same weekend of Minhyun’s surprise visit. Nothing much is planned for their day. Mainly just playing video games and catching up.

“Even in my room, I can’t escape them being all lovey-dovey,” Minki groans as he enters the room, duffel bag slinging on his shoulder, “I can’t even say get a room because they are in a room!”

“We weren’t even doing anything, Minki. Stop being so dramatic,” Minhyun rolls his eyes as he gets off the bed, heading towards the bathroom, “I’m gonna wash up first.” 

Jonghyun can’t help himself but to watch as Minhyun walks away, his tiny squishy butt moving side to side as he steps. Once the door closes, Jonghyun also gets out of bed, a bright smile on his face as he’s excited for another day with Hwang Minhyun (and friends). 

  
  
  


The day flies by quickly, especially with Jonghyun getting excited and beating everyone in almost every game they play (“Jonghyun, you’re ruining the fun!” “Well, I’m sorry all of you just suck!”). Minhyun and Jonghyun snuggle and kiss minimal throughout the day, not wanting to make their friends uncomfortable. Although they know they’re used to it, they don’t want to spoil the little time they have together as five of them. 

It’s like nothing ever changed and Minhyun never left. They still laugh and joke around as they used to, despite starting to be on different walks of life. Jonghyun knows it hasn’t been too long since graduation, but it still feels like it’s been an eternity and that so many things have happened. 

_ “He’s not wrong, Jonghyun. I like you a lot.” _

Jonghyun tries to push those thoughts to the back of his head. He’s been good at doing so since Minhyun has come back, but it suddenly hits him when they’re at the dinner table and Aron mentions how work has been. 

“Yeah, I usually don’t see Jonghyun because we’re in different departments, but I hear all about how he’s  _ such _ a good employee from Sungwoon,” Aron laughs, making direct eye contact with Jonghyun and not letting it go, “Jonghyun’s also made a friend. Has he told you about him yet, Minhyun?”

Jonghyun doesn’t turn away, but he swallows his spit out of nervousness, scared that Aron will say more. Despite Aron apologizing, Jonghyun knows his opinion toward Youngmin didn’t suddenly change and he doesn’t want to hear it, but especially he doesn’t want to have Minhyun hear it and be worried. 

“Yeah, he did! I’m really happy that he’s making friends. It’s good to make connections with people in your work field.”

Minhyun looks over at Jonghyun and smiles. Jonghyun’s expression quickly changes as he looks back and mirrors his boyfriend’s smile. It almost feels fake, but Jonghyun can’t help himself. It’s better for Minhyun to be happy and think everything’s okay. 

_ “Everything is okay. It has to be okay,”  _ Jonghyun promises himself internally a million times, even after the conversation changes.

  
  


After dinner, the alcohol bottles are immediately brought out from the fridge and to the living room. A day of the five of them hanging out isn’t complete until they drink at the end of the night. Usually, someone stays sober to take care of the other four, but because this will be the only time to drink as a group for a while, they ditch that rule.

“To us,” Minhyun grins as they hold up their bottles in the air. “To us!” 

They all repeat after Minhyun, clicking their bottles together and yelling with bright smiles. They tilt their heads back and take a few swigs before putting the bottles back down. However, it doesn’t take long for all of them to finish, so Jonghyun gets up and grabs more for the rest of them in the kitchen. He stumbles a bit, obviously already tipsy, but he makes it to the fridge. 

“Wait, so, Minhyun,” Dongho slurs, “how long are you planning on staying in Japan for?” 

In that split moment, Jonghyun immediately sobers up, freezing right where he is in front of the cold fridge, door open. He doesn’t look back, but simply stands there, his focus all on Minhyun’s upcoming reply. 

“I’m honestly not too sure. Recently, I found a big flaw in their business and corrected it, so they really have started to like me. I heard from other people that they’re probably going to promote me, which is really good. It means that I’ll get a lot longer work contract, s--”

With the thought of Minhyun being in Japan longer, the bottle of soju in Jonghyun’s hand slips through his hand and crashes onto the floor, the loud sound filling the air and stopping all conversation. His moment of sobriety quickly fades away as Jonghyun turns around and walks back over to the living room, his emotions hitting him heavily.

“So you’re just going to stay in Japan then? So you’re okay with just leaving me here?” 

“Babe, no, I love you, but-” Minhyun stands up and tries to hold onto the other, but Jonghyun pushes him away, tears in his eyes.

“But what? I don’t want to hear that!” Jonghyun’s hands ball up into fists as he stomps, “I just want to hear ‘I love you’ and that’s all. I don’t want this to be conditional. I don’t want to feel like your love for me is an excuse for you to do whatever you want in another country.”

The pained expression on Minhyun’s face grows more and more prominent,“Where is this suddenly coming from? I love you, Jonghyun. I love you so much.”`

_ “He’s not wrong, Jonghyun. I like you a lot.” _

Youngmin’s voice still rings in Jonghyun’s head and Jonghyun wants to scream and shout. He wants his guilt and his memories and everything related to Youngmin to go away. But it can’t go away and he can’t help but feel that the distance between Minhyun and Jonghyun is what caused all this to happen. 

“I-I-I can’t do this, Minhyun. I can’t do this anymore,” Jonghyun can feel his body shake, but he continues, “I feel like I’m just holding you back from doing what you want to in life.”

“Jonghyun, no, don’t do this. You haven’t been holding me back, if anything, you inspire me to live my best life. Jonghyun, I love you so much, please don’t do this,” Minhyun tries to hold onto Jonghyun, his fingers barely grasping onto Jonghyun’s before he shakes them away. The expression on Jonghyun’s face is cold, but as he watches the tears fall down Minhyun’s face, his heart aches as he never wanted to hurt Minhyun, but here he is, hurting him.

“I have to go. I can’t be here right now.”

Jonghyun turns around and runs out of the apartment. He can hear Minhyun and the others yelling his name, telling him to stop, but he keeps going. Even though he’s not fit and he can feel the fatigue hitting him, he keeps on running. He just wants to get as far as he can because maybe then the pain will hurt less. 

 

He figures the only way to truly escape his pain is through alcohol, so he sits down at a drinking tent and orders himself alcohol. He pours himself the first shot, swirling the liquid in his glass at first as he thinks to himself. 

The first person that comes to his mind is not Minhyun, but Youngmin and his stupid little grin. Jonghyun doesn’t want to think about him right now so he tilts his head and quickly swallows the shot. However, his face doesn’t disappear from Jonghyun’s mind so he keeps pouring alcohol in him as the tears pour out of him. 

Jonghyun feels guilty. He’s felt guilty since the moment the kiss happened, but as much as sober him believes he loves Minhyun, he can’t help but believe that it’s all Minhyun’s fault right now. Minhyun didn’t leave him to go to Japan, they would be happy and Youngmin and his stupid cute face would never be in the picture. 

_ “Youngmin and his stupid cute face would never be in the picture,” _ he thinks to himself once more with a scoff as he finishes yet another shot. 

The lady worker hands him the bill and Jonghyun immediately searches for his wallet, but he realizes that it’s back home. He ran out too fast for him to grab anything. “I’m a fucking idiot,” he mutters to himself as he rubs his face.

A figure appears, his back facing Jonghyun as he grabs the bill from behind him and puts his card on it, handing it to the lady. Once his card is swiped and he gets it back, he turns to reveal his face, a concerned expression on his face.

“Jonghyun, are you okay?” 

Jonghyun looks up at Youngmin, quickly wiping his tears and holding in his emotions. “Can we just get out of here?”

 

Inside the taxi, Youngmin doesn’t say a word the entire ride, much to Jonghyun’s liking. Being an emotional drunk, Jonghyun felt like he was going to burst into tears at least three times before they arrived. Jonghyun never told him where to go, so when they arrived, he wasn’t surprised to see that they were at Youngmin’s place. 

Youngmin walks in front of him and Jonghyun can’t help but check him out. His heart races and as the other walks into the apartment, he follows him, acting rashly on his emotions as he pushes the door closed with his body pressed up against Youngmin’s, lips crashing onto his as well. Youngmin reciprocates at first, loving the feeling of having his day one crush finally kiss him, but something about it feels so  _ wrong.  _ He stops and tries to move away, but Jonghyun’s too forceful that Youngmin has to use both of his hands to push him away. 

“What are you doing, Jonghyun?” Youngmin blinks at Jonghyun, whose gaze remains unphased, “Why are you acting like this?”

“Isn’t this what you want?” Jonghyun looks at Youngmin seductively as he holds Youngmin’s arms, moving them away as he reaches for another kiss, “You’re all that’s been on my mind,” he mumbles, his lips barely graze the other’s before he’s pushed away once again.

“Jonghyun, stop this. You’re drunk,” Youngmin’s eyebrows furrow, “As much as I like you, I don’t want you to do anything you’ll regret.” 

Jonghyun thinks of Minhyun and their memories flash through his head just like last time,  but this time the feeling of being abandoned takes over and his heart grows cold, “You’re not moving any time soon, right?”

Youngmin looks at the other confusingly, “No?”

Jonghyun steps closer and Youngmin loses his strength against the other. Jonghyun moves his face closer to Youngmin’s and Youngmin can’t help but feel his heart race. He can vividly smell the alcohol in Jonghyun’s breath as he speaks, “Then I won’t regret a thing.”

Their lips crash against each other once again and Jonghyun wraps his arms around Youngmin, moving him further into the apartment. Youngmin loosely places his arms around Jonghyun’s neck before he crashes onto his bed, Jonghyun hovering on top of him. Jonghyun’s hand explore all over and Youngmin can’t help but melt at his touch. He’s been dreaming for this moment since the day they met, but it felt so unreal to have Jonghyun with him intimately.

At first, it was a simple crush. Youngmin thought Jonghyun was cute from the moment they met, especially with how awkward and shy he was. But the more Jonghyun opened up and got to know him, the more he felt himself start to fall for him. The way Jonghyun would subtly take care of him as well as everyone, the way he would always try to put a smile on his face whenever he was in a bad mood, the way Jonghyun’s eyes lit up whenever he talked about anime or games, Youngmin can go on and on about someone he barely met not too long ago because he just fell too hard for him. 

“You’re so cute,” Jonghyun mutters, returning Youngmin back to reality as his cheeks blush, “T-Thanks…” he shyly replies.

Jonghyun straddles Youngmin as his hands move to the hem of Youngmin’s shirt, stripping it off of him and gazing at Youngmin’s bare skin with lust in his eyes. Youngmin can’t help but to cover his face with his hands, but Jonghyun moves them away, “Don’t be shy, baby.”

Youngmin watches as Jonghyun takes off his shirt and he can feel himself falling for Jonghyun even harder. His well defined body is surprising for someone who sits at a computer all day (for work and gaming), but he can’t complain as Jonghyun looks good. His hands move to Jonghyun’s body, feeling his muscles as Jonghyun starts to suck on Youngmin’s neck. 

Jonghyun’s lips ghost over the other’s skin, brushing up and towards his lips as he locks eyes with Youngmin, trying to search for something, anything, but he doesn’t know what. Youngmin falters in his words, but with the way Jonghyun’s eyes sparkle ever so beautifully, he finds himself slipping and falling for the other even more so than he already has. Jonghyun could tell, as manipulative and horrible as it sounds, with the way Youngmin caves into each touch of his, the way Youngmin practically melts at each brush of his lips, the other was falling and he didn’t know whether he could catch him or not. 

(It’s only until after that Jonghyun realizes what he’s been looking for, yearning for with each kiss he trails over the other’s skin and each time they lock eyes with one another that he realizes aren’t the ones he’s been staring into for the past four years. He wants to blame it on the alcohol that’s still pungent on his tongue, but guilt is the only thing he can taste.)

  
  
  


Jonghyun wakes up the next morning with a hangover and regret cuddled up next to him. He looks at Youngmin, who is fast asleep with his mouth slightly open, and he has mixed emotions. Jonghyun remembers most of what happened last night, even if he doesn’t want to. At this point, Jonghyun can’t deny that he’s had a liking for the other, but Minhyun is incomparable, or at least that’s what he’s thought the past four years. After what happened last night, he’s not so sure that he can still say that about Minhyun. 

Jonghyun carefully slips out of bed and grabs his underwear and pants on the floor. He puts on his underwear and grabs his phone in his pants before slipping those on as well. There’s 50 missed calls from Minhyun, 20 from Aron, 14 from Minki, and 10 from Dongho. There are texts from Minhyun only and he clicks on them hesitantly. 

 

**My Dearest [1:02am]**

babe where are u im sorry pls lets talk

u mean so much to me im not doing any of this to purposely hurt u

**My Dearest [1:10am]**

please answer me :( ur worrying me so much

**My Dearest [1:23am]**

sweetie tell me where u are and ill come running 

**My Dearest [1:45am]**

jonghyun please dont leave me like this i love u

**My Dearest [2:26am]**

ill do anything for u to just be in my arms right now just come back please

im sorry im so sorry a thousand times sorry 

**My Dearest [3:04am]**

I love you so much, Kim Jonghyun. No matter what happens, I’ll always love you.

 

As if the tears from last night weren’t enough, they fall from Jonghyun’s face once again. When Minhyun was worrying about him, he was fucking another guy. He felt so wrong and so dirty to be so loved by someone he’s cheated on. He doesn’t deserve Minhyun. It’s not fair to Minhyun for Jonghyun to hold onto him like this.

 

**My Dearest [8:09am]**

i’m boarding my plane soon… i wish i could see u or at least hear from you

 

Jonghyun almost jumps at the sudden text. He takes a deep breath in and out, trying to control his emotions as he decides to send a reply that’ll change everything. He hesitates, his thumb hovering over the send button before he finally clicks it. 

 

**Baby Bugi [8:10am]**

minhyun, im sorry but lets break up.

 

He looks back at Youngmin, still asleep and peaceful. As much as Jonghyun thinks Youngmin is a good looking guy, he knows deep in his heart that he still loves Minhyun more than he feels like he could love Youngmin. Minhyun has been his knight in shining armor since day one, guiding and protecting him from everything wrong in the world, but at this point Jonghyun feels like he’s the one Minhyun needs to be protected from because Jonghyun has now destroyed their happily ever after.

 

**My Dearest [08:11am]**

wait what are you saying right now 

were u not happy with me before the drinking

was it all a lie

 

Minhyun deserves more than what Jonghyun can offer him. Minhyun is loving and caring, he knows all the right things to say and he knows how to make someone feel important. Throughout their four year relationship, Minhyun has been nothing but selfless and as much as Jonghyun loves Minhyun and wants to stay with him despite cheating, he knows that it’s his turn to be selfless and end this so that Minhyun can find the person he deserves. 

 

**Baby Bugi [08:13am]**

i was happy

but i cant do this anymore

im sorry

**My Dearest [08:15am]**

theyre making me put away my phone 

but lets please talk about this after i land

please.

 

Jonghyun puts down his phone and wipes the tears pouring down his face. His heart aches and he knows it’s best for him to be alone, but he finds himself crawling back in bed and holding onto Youngmin tightly. The last place he should be is with Youngmin, but his heart is aching and he needs someone to comfort it.

“I don’t know what you’re going through, but it’ll be okay,” Youngmin whispers, his eyes still closed as he rubs the other on the back.

Jonghyun doesn’t question when Youngmin woke up, but simply sinks into the other’s arms, his tears pouring down his face as he embraces Youngmin’s warmth and comfort. 

  
  


( Rename **My Dearest** to **Hwang Minhyun** ? [ Yes ] or [No] )

  
  
  


Jonghyun doesn’t talk to Minhyun after he lands. Not when Minhyun texts dozens of times, not when Minhyun calls him hundreds of times, and not when the tens of voicemails Minhyun leaves break Jonghyun’s heart more and more as he listens. Minhyun begs for Jonghyun to talk to him, to take him back and have everything be how they used to be. 

“Please answer me, Jonghyun. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I can say it a thousand times. I’ll do anything for you just please talk to me. I’m begging you, Jonghyun. Please call me back.”

He can hear the instability in Minhyun’s voice, the staggered breaths he takes and the stuffiness of his nose to know that Minhyun is emotionally torn over this. A part of him tells him to talk to Minhyun, say he was overreacting, and go back to the way they used to. He misses what they used to be, young and in love, enjoying their lives.

 

But it can never be like that.

Jonghyun can’t live with the guilt of him cheating on Minhyun, nor can he hurt Minhyun even more by confessing his unloyalty. He knows it’s not fair for Minhyun to be hung up on him, so he blocks Minhyun’s number from his phone and hopes that Minhyun finds someone else that’ll love him and support him a thousand times more than Jonghyun ever did. 

  
  
  
  


“Hey, can I ask you something?” Aron looks at Jonghyun with a straight face. They are the only two in the apartment, just coming back from work.

“Uh, sure. What’s up?” Jonghyun blinks as he grabs a water bottle from the fridge.

“Where did you go last weekend when we drank that one night?” 

Jonghyun stops himself mid-opening water bottle, biting his lips as he thinks of an excuse, “I was at Joshua’s place. He’s not too far from us.”

Aron nods, “Huh, okay. Well, I’m going to take a nap. See you later.”

The elder walks away and closes the door to his room. Jonghyun sighs in relief, but he can’t help but still feel a bit uneasy.

 

Other than that, Aron, Minki, and Dongho don’t mention Minhyun at all when they see Jonghyun. Minhyun probably told them what happened, Jonghyun thinks, but it’s such a personal topic that they don’t say anything about it. They act like everything’s normal and talk about everything else, but it only hurts Jonghyun even more. He feels like the guilt is eating him alive every time one of them smile at him and act like nothing’s wrong, when everything is wrong. It feels so fake to him. They should be angry or concerned or sad, anything but normal. Jonghyun changed the entire dynamic of their friend group and they’re acting like it’s all okay. He knows they don’t want to upset him even more, but their actions remind him every day how much Jonghyun fucked up. 

  
  


Youngmin becomes more and more important in Jonghyun’s life as time progresses. He never asks Jonghyun about that night, waiting for the moment where Jonghyun feels comfortable enough to tell him. Jonghyun needs someone to rely on throughout his emotional pain and he feels like he can’t go to Aron, Minki, or Dongho, so he goes to Youngmin instead. They don’t have a label, but would just spend the rest of their internship flirting with each other in the midst of their busywork. They would come back to Youngmin’s place with heated passion. It is a lot easier for Minhyun to escape Jonghyun’s mind when his lips are crashing onto someone else, when his dick is in someone else, and when his climax results with him moaning someone else’s name. 

It’s the aftermath that continues to bother Jonghyun. When Youngmin’s arms wrap around him and Jonghyun can’t help but compare that it’s not the safe and loving warmth that Minhyun has, when Jonghyun faces Youngmin and stares into his eyes and feels like he’s looking at bleak darkness rather than the vast beauty of space, when Jonghyun closes his eyes and Youngmin stays silent rather whispering sweet nothings like Minhyun would, this is when Jonghyun realizes that although Youngmin may be the oasis of his desert of turmoil, Minhyun is the entire ocean. Youngmin is everything he needs right now as a quick stop to keep him going and Minhyun should be his final destination, so why does Jonghyun feel like everything is so flip flopped? Why did Jonghyun go from having everything and more to having enough to settle for? 

 

But then again, there’s no one to blame but himself.

  
  
  


It’s when the leaves turn orange and fall to the ground that Youngmin asks Jonghyun to officially be his boyfriend. They’re sipping on coffee at a cafe middle ground between Jonghyun’s university and the company as Jonghyun’s internship was only for the summer. Youngmin had plans to become big in the company so his internship turned into a full time job. 

“We’ve been a thing for a while, but I really would like it if we could be officially boyfriends. What do you think?”

Jonghyun almost spits out his drink, hearing those words. He isn’t that oblivious to think that it wasn’t going to happen, but he secretly wished that it would happen later.

“Uhm,” Jonghyun looks at the other, his eyes sparkling, making Jonghyun feel more pressured about his answer, “Y-yeah. Sure.” 

The smile on Youngmin’s face is bright, reaching across the table to kiss Jonghyun on the forehead happily, “I’m glad. I really like being with you.”

“Me too. I like you a lot,” Jonghyun smiles, despite knowing in his heart that he’s not sure whether he one hundred percent feels what he says.

Jonghyun knows he shouldn’t be getting into a relationship when his heart isn’t fully committed to the other person, but there’s no one to tell him not to and no one else who could possibly try to fill the void in his heart where Minhyun belongs. 

  
  
  
  


Sixty eight days pass of Jonghyun and Youngmin dating when Jonghyun tells Youngmin that he was the paramour of Minhyun and Jonghyun’s past relationship.

“I need to tell you something,” Jonghyun looks at Youngmin, sitting across from him as they eat lunch. 

“Hm? What is it?” Youngmin mumbles, his mouth still stuffed with food. 

Jonghyun bites his lower lip as he thinks of the best way to tell Youngmin, “Before we started dating, I was seeing someone else.”

Sensing the seriousness of the conversation, Youngmin puts down his chopsticks and crosses his arms, “Okay.” 

“U-uhm, and,” the nervous sweat rolls down his neck, “When you saw me crying that one night, we had a fight, but we didn’t break up at that moment.”

Youngmin blinks as he thinks back to that moment, “So, you’re telling me that when we first had sex, you were dating someone else? Oh my god.” 

“But we broke up the next morning! I broke up with him, so don’t worry!”

Jonghyun looks for a reply from Youngmin, but he stays quiet for a while. He looks off to the side, his hands fidgeting and his expression stone cold. 

“Does that guy know about me?” 

Jonghyun opens his mouth to answer, but Youngmin swiftly cuts him off, “Does he know that I broke your guys’s relationship?” 

As the thought of the past guilt of Youngmin’s first kiss resurface, Jonghyun’s eyes water up a bit. He vividly remembers the pain and frustration, but he also reminds himself that him and Minhyun are over. Jonghyun blinks and the tears go away and his eyes remain fixed onto Youngmin, expressionless. 

“Our relationship was basically over before then. You didn’t break anything.” 

The distaste in Jonghyun’s mouth is evident as he knows he’s clearly lying to Youngmin, but he doesn’t need to know that. He doesn’t need to feel the same guilt that Jonghyun faces almost every single day. 

“Okay, then I understand, so let’s switch topics, yeah?” 

Youngmin picks back up his chopsticks and slurps down his ramen. The smile soon reappearing on his face, but not on Jonghyun’s. Before bringing up the topic, he felt like Youngmin had the right to know, but the more he thinks about it, the more he feels like Minhyun also has the right to know. 

But to him, the moment has passed and it’s too late to tell Minhyun. He probably moved on by now anyways. 

  
  
  
  


When Youngmin asks Jonghyun to move in with him the next day, Jonghyun doesn’t think much of it. He stays over at his place often enough to even have his own toothbrush so it just seemed natural to live there anyway. The only thing he worries about is telling the guys as they still don’t know about him dating Youngmin in the first place. 

“Hey guys,” Jonghyun leans against the kitchen counter, his housemates luckily are all sitting on the couch watching some American sports game Aron wanted to show them, “I have something important to say.” 

Dongho grabs the remote and pauses the recording, “What’s up?” 

Their attention shifts to him and Jonghyun can feel his hands get clammy, “I’m moving out.” 

The expressions on their faces are clearly confused, “What? Why? Do you not like living with us?”

“Is this because I’m hardly home?” Minki pouts, “I swear I’ll give you more love and attention as your roommate.”

“It’s not you guys I swear! I just feel like I should be somewhere closer to school because I’m always there so often,” Jonghyun lies through his teeth. His excuse for being at Youngmin’s place has been studying on campus at night, but of course, they don’t know that. 

“Okay, well you always have a place here if you want to come back,” Dongho nods, looking left and right at his friends, “Right, guys?” 

They both nod and verbally agree, but while Dongho and Minki have smiles on their face, Aron deadpans, looking away from Jonghyun. 

“I’m glad you guys understand. Thanks,” Jonghyun grins before walking into his room. 

Not a second after Jonghyun closes the door, Aron suddenly gets up and follows him, startling the other two housemates. He enters and closes the door behind him. 

“So, who are you living with?” Aron leans against the door.

Jonghyun thinks of an excuse before turning around, “Oh, just some other grad school students, Joshua too,” he adds, simply for the name drop to make it seem more believable.

Aron scoffs as he looks straight into Jonghyun’s eyes, “Oh really? You’re living with Joshua?” 

“Look, I know you’re uncomfortable because of what happened between you and Joshua b--” 

“Why are you lying straight to my face, Jonghyun?” Aron spits, his words sharp like daggers, “I know you’ve been using Josh as an excuse because you know I won’t want to talk about him ever since he broke my sister’s heart, but please be smart about your excuses at least.” 

Aron walks closer to Jonghyun, but the younger stays quiet, “Joshua moved back to the States the day I left you on the side of the road. I know because Dongho dropped him off to the airport, so I think this is the third time you’ve used him as your excuse. That mentioned day, the day you and Minhyun got in a fight and you didn’t come back home, and now, all in which Joshua Hong is across the world, having a dandy time in California for all I fucking care instead of being here where you say he is.” 

Jonghyun’s eyes go wide before looking away, feeling almost ashamed for getting caught. What Aron was saying is right. Aron’s sister and Joshua dated for the longest time but one day he simply broke her heart and Aron couldn’t forgive him for doing that, no matter what his excuse was. Jonghyun thought he was being clever using him for name drop, but of course, Aron always is one step ahead of him. He curses at himself internally for not even bothering to check up on Joshua and make sure he was still around, but he never thought the guy would move back to the States in the first place.

“Why don’t you tell me what you’re really hiding, Jonghyun?” 

Jonghyun looks at Aron and he can feel the older judging him. For a second, he wants to spill everything that’s been on his mind to Aron, but he can’t help but feel scared to be shamed, so the tears well up in his eyes, “I don’t want to,” he grits through his teeth. 

Aron raises his eyebrows, the smile on his face almost threatening. He held onto his suspicions and frustrations for too long to just be pushed aside,  “Oh? After all we’ve been through, you don’t want to tell me. Fine then. I see that you don’t think highly of our friendship and it hurts. I understand.” 

The older clenches a fist in his dominant hand, but before he even tries to swing, he takes a deep breath and calms himself down. Aron simply walks away, but that hurts Jonghyun more. Jonghyun can feel the guilt manifest in him that he speaks with slight hesitation in his voice, “I’ve been with Youngmin.” 

Aron stops in his tracks and clenches his jaw before turning around, “You know, I had a feeling it was him, but I didn’t want to believe it,” he pauses as he pursues his lips, “But hearing you actually say it, all I think is that I hope you’re happy with him. I hope he makes you happier than you ever were with Minhyun.” 

Before Jonghyun could even think of a reply, Aron leaves the room. Jonghyun can’t help but feel empty because he knows he’s not happier with Youngmin, but he’s learned to settle with what he has. 

  
  
  


Autumn quickly turns to winter and winter is cold,  _ very  _ cold. 

Jonghyun doesn’t have the heart to talk to Aron after being exposed, and therefore he doesn’t talk to Dongho or Minki much either. He can’t help but feel ashamed for being such a horrible friend to them - for ruining their friend group and keeping secrets from them. So then, Youngmin ends up taking up a lot of his time, but it’s a good distraction for his loneliness. 

And to his liking, Youngmin is a strong advocate for them spending almost all their time together. Since they live together as well, Youngmin is the first and last person Jonghyun sees everyday. It’s a little odd to Jonghyun considering that since they see each other at home, seeing each other throughout the day would seem less necessary, but it’s not like Jonghyun has anyone else to hang out with anyway. Whenever Jonghyun isn’t in class or studying, he’s somewhere with Youngmin doing something. Sometimes Jonghyun would run out of things to say, but Youngmin would somehow always find something new to talk about, which always amazes him. 

But it soon tires him how often they hang out. 

Jonghyun never noticed this with living with Minhyun when they were dating. Back then, Minhyun was his breath of fresh air in the midst of the pollution that surrounded his life. Even if they saw each other often, simply holding Minhyun’s hand would make his day better. He could be stressed out of his mind trying to code a messenger app with incompetent partners, but as soon as he got a little love and attention from Minhyun, he knew everything was going to be alright. That’s why it was okay for him to be around Minhyun so often, but Jonghyun wishes he could say the same about Youngmin. 

Jonghyun knows his heart still hasn’t fully gotten over Minhyun and he feels like being only around Youngmin shows how much of a coward he is. Instead of hanging out with his original friends and trying to return to normalcy, he’s running away. Without Aron, Dongho, and Minki (also Minhyun), Jonghyun has no other college friends. Sure, there’s Seungcheol, Joshua, and Jeonghan, even Jihoon and Soonyoung sometimes, but Jonghyun realized he only hung out with them when one of his core friends were around. 

So now, he has one person. One person that he realizes he shouldn’t spend twenty four hours with because it’s just a little bit too suffocating for him. It tugs on his heart how much he  _ should _ enjoy hanging out with Youngmin no matter what the time, but more so his loneliness hurts his heart the most.

As he lays awake in the middle of the night, Jonghyun looks to Youngmin who is soundly asleep. It still feels like Jonghyun has no one and he misses his friends, so he musters all the courage in him to message Aron.

 

**Bugi Bro [05:06am]**

i’m sorry aron

i’m sorry for lying and being a bad friend

for making our college friend group awkward

and just everything

i fucked up and i’m sorry

 

Jonghyun’s heart feels heavy. He knows Aron won’t respond, the old man is never awake at 5am, but he still feels uneasy. Half of him wishes Aron is awake right now to respond and half of him wishes he isn’t awake, so that he can read whatever the reply is in the morning. But either way, Jonghyun can’t help but think that Aron will yell at him and call him out even more. 

He’s scared.

He puts down his phone and closes his eyes to sleep, but as soon as he feels himself dozing off, his phone vibrates. His hand reaches toward his phone, but he hesitates before ultimately grabbing it, a little unsure and a little nervous about the reply.

 

**Quackron [05:15am]**

ur forgiven for lying 

but let me just say that you’re not a bad friend i understand that there’s a reason why to you hid youngmin from us

ur probably going through a lot and ill wait for the day that you can confide in me

u didnt make us awkward u can still always hang out with us ok?

and before u ask, im awake bc i got caught up in a netflix series

 

Before Jonghyun can comprehend it, a tear drips down his face. He can’t help but smile, knowing that everything just might be okay.

 

**Bugi Bro [05:17am]**

thanks

also pls let me know the name of the series i wanna watch

  
  
  
  
  


The snow melts and the flowers start to bloom, much like Jonghyun’s social life. 

After patching things up with Aron, Jonghyun talks to him freely, as well as the other two. It lessens the weight of his heart and begins to enjoy the time he spends with Youngmin once again. He feels like he’s on the road of happiness, but the thought of Minhyun still grazes his mind every now and then, but he tries not to let it get to him too much. 

As Jonghyun goes out and talks more with his friends rather than his boyfriend, Youngmin becomes very persistent to know where Jonghyun is and who Jonghyun is talking to. He assumes it’s just because he’s curious and it’s another conversation starter. The times he goes out mean nothing more than pure friendship to Jonghyun, but Youngmin sometimes gets a little uneasy.

 

**Quackron [9:20pm]**

hey i have some news for u

**Bugi Bro [9:22pm]**

oh whats up?

“Who are you texting?” 

Jonghyun, laying in bed with his arm propping him up, looks up from his phone and almost melts at the sight of Youngmin. Just out of the shower with a towel wrapped around his waist and water dripping down his muscles, anyone would find him irresistible. 

“Just Aron,” Jonghyun shrugs, “No big deal.”

“You’ve been talking to him a lot lately,” Youngmin walks over as he puts on his shirt. 

“I mean, he is my closest friend,” Jonghyun blinks, not understanding Youngmin’s point. 

 

**Quackron [9:24pm]**

im kinda…… dating someone

and id rly like it if we could go on a double date together so u can formally meet him

 

“Oh shit!” Jonghyun yells, sitting up almost immediately with his eyes glued to his phone. 

Youngmin stays silent and crosses his arms, tapping his foot to try to “subtly” get the other’s attention. Jonghyun begins to type his response, but the loud tapping causes him to look up. “Oh right, so what’s the problem?” 

“I don’t know… it’s just…” Youngmin places his hand on Jonghyun’s shoulder, tracing circles with his finger on it, “I thought  _ I  _ was your best friend, so I should be getting your attention.” 

Jonghyun puts his phone down and holds the other’s hand, “Baby, you are my best friend. Don’t worry. Aron and I are also close. Can’t you understand that?” 

Youngmin sits down on the bed and pulls Jonghyun into a hug, his head resting on Jonghyun’s shoulder, “I can… I just really love you.” 

The sudden confession throws Jonghyun off and he stutters to find something to say. Youngmin pulls away and frowns, “I’m sorry. Should I have not said that yet?” 

Jonghyun can see the hurt in Youngmin’s face so he forces a smile and holds Youngmin’s hands. “No, of course not,” he shakes his head, “I love you too.” 

Youngmin smiles brightly, “I’m so lucky to have you.” He pulls Jonghyun into another hug, crouching so his head rests on the other’s chest. Jonghyun wraps his arms on top of the other and kisses him on the top of his head.

“Me too. Me too.”

  
  
  


Youngmin agrees to the double date once Jonghyun brings it up. The four of them meet up at an all you can eat sushi place. It’s Aron’s treat as he recently got a promotion at the company (“Can you let me meet Red Velvet now?” “For the last time, Jonghyun, I do not have that type of power!”). Jonghyun learns that Aron’s new boyfriend’s name is Mark Tuan. He vaguely remembers hearing his name being said around in the company, but he’s reminded that Mark is a producer. Usually, the business side wouldn’t talk to the music production/performing side a lot, but when Aron had to be an impromptu Red Velvet manager for a day, they met in the recording studio and hit it off almost immediately. 

“Man, I haven’t had sushi in the longest time,” Jonghyun picks off the first piece of sushi, dipping it in soy sauce. 

“Oh yeah, don’t you remember?” the older chuckles, “It’s because of that god awful sushi place the five of us went to a year ago,” Aron notices as Jonghyun winces at hearing the five of us and mentally scolds himself for not being careful with his words. 

“Yeah, that was horrible,” Jonghyun shudders as he remembers the past, “I could not leave the bathroom for a solid two hours.”

“Neither could Dongho, so I had to run to Soonyoung’s place across the street and use his bathroom,” Aron rubs his face, remembering the embarrassment, “I had to clean their bathroom afterwards because I felt bad.” 

“Soonyoung still doesn’t let that go,” Jonghyun puts on his best Soonyoung imitation, “‘After all I did for you, Aron, I let you throw up in my bathroom, but you can’t do this for me.’”

“That damn brat,” Aron sighs.

They all laugh, Mark and Youngmin more awkwardly than Aron and Jonghyun as they can’t relate. Jonghyun doesn’t realize that they’ve steered the conversation to only them until Youngmin puts his hand on his thigh and forcedly smiles. 

The conversation goes quiet as everyone eats, but Jonghyun tries to think of something to say that’ll engage their significant others. “You know, I’m surprised you got yourself a boyfriend. You’ve seemed so emotionally constipated for the longest time,” Jonghyun laughs, shoving a piece of fish in his mouth after. 

Aron rolls his eyes, “Shut up, loser. Not everyone jumps from relationship to relationship like you.”

It’s not until Aron hears the echo of putting his chopsticks down that he realizes that was still another sensitive topic to bring up as it came only natural to him to respond like that. He looks around and sees everyone awkwardly looking at each other, and of course, Mark being genuinely confused. 

“I mean, I wish I had that type of luck, you know? If I met Mark right after my last relationship, I would’ve experienced so many more things with him,” Aron locks arms with Mark, his head resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder as he hopes that was enough to fix the slightly tense atmosphere. 

Youngmin laughs along, “Yeah, I get what you mean, but no matter what I think our experiences are what brought us to the ones we love now, right babe?”

Jonghyun looks at Youngmin, a bit unsure about his own personal opinion but nods, “Yeah, I agree.” 

Mark smiles as he looks at the couple across from him and kisses Aron on the top of his head, planting them all over his head and soon onto his face. Jonghyun notices as Aron’s eyes sparkle at the touch of his lips and he can’t help but feel oddly upset over it. His stomach churns, but he knows he’s not disgusted by Aron having a boyfriend nor jealous that it’s not him because he’s never seen Aron that way. It doesn’t make sense to why he feels so uneasy, so he decides to let it go and look away.

  
  


“You were being real cozy with Aron,” Youngmin says with the slightest bit of attitude as they enter the car after the meal.

Jonghyun squints, “What do you mean by that?”

“You know, it just felt like me and Mark weren’t even there,” the amount of attitude increases, but Youngmin doesn’t even bother to face Jonghyun when he speaks, “It was basically just you two on your own little date.” 

Jonghyun scoffs as he understands what Youngmin is saying, “Are you jealous?” he places his hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder. With the accusation, Youngmin can’t help but blush. He pushes the other’s hand away and puts on his best poker face, “No!”

Jonghyun moves closer to Youngmin, pinching his cheek with a smile, “Awww, you’re jealous! How cute,” Youngmin tries to push Jonghyun’s hand away, but Jonghyun instead reaches more forward, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek, “I love you, okay? Not Aron, not anyone else. Only you.”

Youngmin can feel himself melting at Jonghyun’s words and he quickly lets go of his jealousy, “I love you too. A lot,” the smile on Youngmin’s face grows wide before he turns to the wheel, “We should get home.” 

Throughout the car ride, Jonghyun finds himself simply looking at Youngmin and just enjoying his presence. He notices how much he really does like every feature Youngmin has and can’t imagine his current life without him being there for him as a friend and a lover. 

It’s the first time in their relationship where Jonghyun doesn’t think of comparing him to Hwang Minhyun. 

  
  
  
  
  


Youngmin’s heat of jealousy increases with the temperature as spring fades into summer. 

At first, they start with Youngmin giving attitude and Jonghyun calming him down with “I love you”s and other loving coos. It wasn’t a big deal to Jonghyun and he actually thought Youngmin was cute when he was jealous. 

But soon the “I love you”s aren’t enough and they’re getting into fights where Jonghyun feels like he’s being backed into a corner. Youngmin starts yelling at him to focus more on him than his friends, to distance himself and not get to close. Jonghyun doesn’t understand but every time he tries to ask Youngmin why, he never gets a clear answer. It’s always “just because,” or “I’m your boyfriend, that’s why,” or something of the sort, but none of his replies ever fulfill Jonghyun’s confusion. 

Jonghyun tells Aron everything and Aron grows concerned, telling his friend that this is starting to become unhealthy. This is not how a relationship should be and a small part of Jonghyun agrees, but he ultimately tells Aron not to worry and that everything will be okay. He loves Youngmin and that’s all that matters. 

“You know how I feel about Aron, babe. Do you have to hang out with him every single second?” Youngmin slams his fist on the kitchen table.

Jonghyun sighs as he turns around to look at his boyfriend, knowing this is the start of another fight, “I see him twice a week. Twice. A. Week. Why am I not allowed this?” 

Youngmin glares at Jonghyun, his eyes unwavering, “I’m your boyfriend, Jonghyun. Not him.” 

Jonghyun has had enough. He’s tired of hearing this excuse and he just wants answers, “I don’t understand. I see you way more than him or anyone else for that matter! It makes no sense that you get to hang out with your ex boyfriend Donghyun all you want but when I hang out with another guy more than once, you get so upset.”

“That’s different,” Youngmin grits through his teeth. 

“How? Enlighten me, babe. How is it any different?” Jonghyun raises a brow as he steps closer to his boyfriend.

Youngmin shrugs with a straight face, “I don’t know, babe. Why don’t you tell me? You’re the one with the past, not me.”

It takes Jonghyun a small moment to understand what Youngmin means, but once he realizes, it feels Youngmin has stabbed him right in the heart. He can only scoff as the words are still processing in his head.

“Wow, so you think I’m going to cheat on you, huh?”

His words echo in the apartment and Youngmin quickly goes wide-eyed, regretting his words, “Wait, no, babe. I didn’t mean it like that, I--”

“That’s  _ exactly  _ what you meant, Youngmin,” his words aren’t loud, but they carry a lot of weight to them, “You think I’m going to cheat on you because once I do it once, I can do it again,  _ right?  _ I’m just a no-good dirty cheater.”

Jonghyun continues before Youngmin even thinks of responding, “It makes so much sense now. No wonder you asked me to live with you right after I told you about Minhyun. You didn’t trust me to live with three other gay men that I could potentially sleep with. You get mad at me for hanging out with other guys because you’re scared I’ll cheat on you with them like I did to Minhyun with you,” the look in Jonghyun’s eyes is cold and dark as he looks straight into his boyfriend’s eyes. He scoffs once again as he shakes his head, “You didn’t trust me then and you don’t trust me now. What kind of fucking relationship is this?” 

“Babe, no. Wait, I can explain,” Youngmin tries to hold onto Jonghyun, but he quickly pulls away.

“I don’t want to hear anything from you. I don’t even want to be here right now,” Jonghyun runs out of the apartment without a destination. He stops and walks by the time he reaches the street because he realizes Youngmin isn’t even running after him, not even a yell for him to stop. 

Jonghyun can still remember hearing the echo of Minhyun’s footsteps that were too far to keep up. He remembers hearing the four of them yelling at him to stop, but he kept going. Thoughts of Minhyun were very few until now and he wants them out.

  
  


Drinking is a bad habit and Jonghyun knows it, but it’s the only way to numb the pain in his heart.

He didn’t want to drink at first, but he knew that he didn’t want to back to the apartment. His only other option was to go to Aron’s place, but he didn’t want to prove Aron’s concerns right, so he promises himself that he’ll keep this to himself and drink his sorrows away instead. 

The more Jonghyun drinks, the more he compares Youngmin to Minhyun. If he was dating Minhyun still, Minhyun would let him hang out with anyone he wants. Minhyun would trust him no matter what. Minhyun loved him more than Youngmin ever would. Minhyun satisfied Jonghyun more than Youngmin ever could. Minhyun. Minhyun. Minhyun.

Jonghyun doesn’t want to miss Minhyun. He doesn’t want to think anything about Minhyun because he’s convinced that Minhyun is the past that he shouldn’t dwell on. Youngmin is his present and maybe even his future. He loves Youngmin. He has to love him. 

It’s a battle in his head, constantly going back and forth between the two moods of wanting Minhyun with him and wanting Minhyun gone from his life. By his second bottle of soju, he can almost hear Minhyun’s voice calling out for him. 

“Jju-yah.”

But he looks around, and Minhyun’s nowhere to be seen.  _ “Right, he’s in Japan,”  _ he thinks to himself as he pours himself a shot. He wishes that Minhyun could appear like Youngmin did almost a year ago, but there’s no hope for that. He slams his fist on the table, causing everyone around him to look at him, but at this point, he doesn’t care. All he wants to do is get shit faced drunk in peace.

 

( Unblock  **Hwang Minhyun** from your phone? [ Yes ] or [No] )

  
  
  
  


Dongho, who was walking back home after a date gone wrong, finds Jonghyun passed out at the drinking tent and brought him back to the apartment, letting him sleep in his old bed. When Jonghyun wakes up the next morning, he doesn’t remember how he got there (he also doesn’t remember a lot of things) so he’s quite frazzled. Dongho informs him and Jonghyun leaves, not wanting to be interrogated by the nosy Aron and Minki. 

Jonghyun comes back home to Youngmin half awake, sitting at their dining table. He apologizes for not trusting Jonghyun and thinking that he would cheat on him. Youngmin was simply scared of losing him. Jonghyun is his precious diamond and he doesn’t want to let go. With Jonghyun in his arms, he promises him that he’ll trust him from now on no matter what. 

 

But it doesn’t take Youngmin long to break his promise. But by now, Jonghyun is tired of fighting that he succumbs to lying to his boyfriend. Whenever he’s out with one of the guys, he says he’s at the library studying or working on a group project. Jonghyun is swamped with work for sure, but he’s knowledgeable enough in computer science to finish at a reasonable time to go out. 

It’s unhealthy, Aron reminds him once again, to lie and say he’s doing something else. Jonghyun, like last time, tells him not to worry and that everything will be okay. But he doesn’t say that just to reassure Aron, but himself as well. 

  
  


It becomes a cycle and it causes the fights to lessen, so Jonghyun doesn’t feel an ounce of guilt that they soon passed their one year anniversary, which was celebrated at a dinner where they started becoming official and experimental sex (that’s a story for another time). The cold temperature comes back, but Jonghyun’s heart is no longer as cold as it was a year ago. They spend Christmas at their place, having a Christmas party with all their friends. 

Well, it’s more so Youngmin’s friends which makes Jonghyun slightly uncomfortable as he never really liked Donghyun, Youngmin’s ex boyfriend, Woojin and Jihoon always make jokes and pranks that he doesn’t really understand why they are funny, and every time he looks in Daehwi and Jinyoung’s direction they’re always sucking face. He wishes his friends would have also came, but Minhyun is in town and since he’s hardly ever home, they decide to hang out with him instead. Jonghyun knows he could’ve invited Minhyun so that everyone could come, but he isn’t ready to see his ex boyfriend yet.

Jonghyun doesn’t know when he’ll ever be able to hang out with Minhyun without feeling uneasy. It’s hard to let go of all the emotions that come from someone who basically defined his college life. There are so many memories that come with Hwang Minhyun and with their relationship coming to an immediate halt, he doesn’t even know how he would approach Minhyun. For almost all of his time with his ex boyfriend, it was spent romantically, so how could he suddenly go back to being friends. Were they even friends? After how Jonghyun hurt him and cut him off, how would he even be considered to be his friend still? 

“Babe, did you hear me?” Youngmin taps him and he immediately comes back to reality.

Jonghyun blinks, trying to backtrack his memory, but clearly doesn’t know a thing, “Uhm, no. Sorry. What’s up?”

“Can you help me and grab the cookies from the oven?” Youngmin picks up two plates of food from the counter, “My hands are full.”

“Sure, anytime.” Jonghyun  smiles and Youngmin kisses him on the cheek before attending to guests.

Jonghyun does as he’s told and forces a smile on his face as he pushes his thoughts out of his head. Minhyun should be out of sight and out of mind. There’s no use in thinking about him when it only twists his emotions. 

  
  
  
  


The new year rolls around and suddenly it’s Youngmin and Jonghyun’s five hundred day anniversary. Jonghyun originally didn’t care too much, but Youngmin wanted to go somewhere special so Youngmin plans for them to go to an expensive restaurant. 

When Jonghyun sees Youngmin in his suit, he can’t help but be in awe of how good he looks. The suit fits Youngmin perfectly. It makes him look sharp and classy, but Jonghyun’s eyes immediately gravitate towards his boyfriend’s butt that shows its round shape beautifully in his pants. Jonghyun looks good too (and he knows it), but he knows Youngmin is the star of the show.

The restaurant is dim and is simply lit with candles. Jonghyun holds onto Youngmin’s hand across the table as they both look at the menu. The prices are insane but Youngmin tells him not to worry because he’s been saving up to go to this place with Jonghyun. They order a bottle of wine for the two of them and proceed with their order: a simple steak with a side of lightly seasoned potatoes for Jonghyun and sea urchin pasta for Youngmin. 

As they wait for their meals, they sip on the wine (Jonghyun reminds himself not to go too crazy). Although they see each other often, they still chat about small things as well as reminisce their relationship and the memories they’ve created so far. Youngmin mentions how he knows things were bumpy at first, but he’s happy where they are now and Jonghyun agrees. He’s happy with Youngmin. He loves Youngmin. 

The food comes in and their conversation comes to a halt. Jonghyun is amazed at how the meat just melts in his mouth. It has so much flavor and juice to it that Jonghyun can’t stop eating. Youngmin is barely halfway done with his food when Jonghyun finishes and he can’t help but feel embarrassed. Then, he decides to just drink the wine while he waits, but he realizes his mistake once again as he feels a slight buzz hitting him.  _ “I’m a damn mess,”  _ Jonghyun thinks to himself as he sets his glass down. 

Jonghyun excuses himself to the bathroom, but when he gets back there’s an unpleasant look on Youngmin’s face.

“Why are you texting Minhyun? I thought you blocked him.”

Jonghyun’s eyebrows furrow immediately as he sits down, “What are you talking about?”

Youngmin hands him his phone and Jonghyun looks through his messages.

 

**Hwang Minhyun [08:08pm]**

god i still miss you ive never been much of a drinker and you know that but holy shit im so fucking wasted and all i think about is you and it sucks how we never got closure and you blocked me and it just makes me feel like shit but i still miss you i still love you and it hurts please come back i know you’re happy with that youngmin guy or whatever but fuck i thought we were happy i thought every moment we spent together was filled with joy but now im so confused

**Hwang Minhyun [08:09pm]**

holy shit that actually went through

 

Jonghyun puts down the phone, “I mean as you can see from the messages we haven’t talked, so I don’t know what the problem is.”

“The problem is that you told me you blocked his number from your phone, but clearly he’s still able to text you. Did you lie to me?” Youngmin glares at Jonghyun.

“I didn’t lie to you! I honestly don’t even remember unblocking him and apparently he didn’t know either, can we just move on from this?” Jonghyun sighs in frustration, trying to remember a time where he unblocked Minhyun but he can’t.

“Do you still love him?”

For a split second, Jonghyun’s heart sparks at the thought of still loving Minhyun, but it quickly goes cold because he shouldn’t love Minhyun. “I’ve told you time and time again that I love you and  _ only  _ you, when will you believe me?”

Youngmin bites his lip, “Well, I was hoping this would be more of a romantic atmosphere, but you can make me believe you by marrying me.”

“W-w-what?”

Jonghyun’s eyes go wide as Youngmin gets down on one knee and holds out the ring, “Kim Jonghyun, I love you so much and I can’t see my life without you. We’ve spent these past five hundred days with ups and downs but I don’t regret any of them. You make my life so much brighter and happier. You’re the sun in my sky, the apple to my pie, the love of my life. Marry me.” 

Jonghyun looks around as he sees the attention in the restaurant as shifted towards them. Youngmin’s eyes sparkle as he looks at him and Jonghyun smiles with a nod, “Yes, of course.” 

Youngmin puts the ring on Jonghyun and they stand up and hug. The people in the restaurant clap and Jonghyun kisses his now fiance on the lips. Despite the swirling in his stomach, he reminds himself that he’s happy. This is great. This is absolutely great.

  
  
  
  


“This is not great, Jonghyun.”

Aron and Jonghyun are sitting in the old apartment. Dongho and Minki are out as usual, doing something that Jonghyun doesn’t remember. He didn’t expect this kind of reaction when showing Aron the ring (especially when he saw it on social media a week ago).

“What do you mean, Aron? Of course it’s great,” Jonghyun forces a smile at Aron who still looks displeased, “I thought you were okay with Youngmin.”

“I didn’t expect you to want to  _ marry  _ the guy,” Aron looks at the ring again and frowns.

“What do you mean? Where else did you expect our relationship to go?” Jonghyun raises his voice a little louder, getting upset.

“I don’t know! I just thought you would fool around with him for a bit and then go back t-- never mind.” 

Jonghyun squints at Aron, “No. Finish what you were going to say, Aron. Go back, what?” 

“You know what I was going to say,” Aron hisses.

“I don’t care. I want you to say it,” Jonghyun grits through his teeth.

“Fine,” Aron sighs in frustration, “I thought you would fool around with Youngmin for a bit and then go back to Minhyun. Are you happy?”

“Minhyun and I are over, Aron. I don’t know why you think I’d go back to him,” Jonghyun stands up from the couch and groans.

“Because when I watched your relationship with Minhyun, I knew from the start that you guys were in love. You two made me believe in love when I couldn’t believe in it after Peniel. If it were you and Youngmin that I saw during my rough times, I don’t think I could say the same thing.”

Jonghyun rubs his face, “I love Youngmin, Aron. I love him a lot.”

“Does he know about how much you lie to him about where you are?”

The way Aron talks to Jonghyun hurts him because he knows the truth in them, but he doesn’t want any of it to be true, so Jonghyun ends up being stubborn.

“No, but that’s not the point.”

“You know Minhyun loved you so much. He trusted you and you would never have to lie to him. When you were with Minhyun, your eyes sparkled with so much joy, but I don’t see that with Youngmin. I don’t see you happier than you were with Minhyun like I wished. Minhyun still loves you, Jonghyun. You still have a chance.”

Jonghyun looks to the floor, “I know he does.” 

Aron looks at Jonghyun and steps closer, “How do you know that?”

“He texted me,” Jonghyun unlocks his phone and hands it to Aron, “Here, read it yourself.” 

Aron reads the texts and from the look on his face, Jonghyun knows he isn’t surprised. But then again, he isn’t surprised either because of course Minhyun would tell Aron. 

“I thought you blocked his number,” Aron hands back the phone with pursed lips. 

Jonghyun shrugs, “I thought so too.” 

It’s quiet and Jonghyun doesn’t know whether to defend himself anymore and Aron doesn’t know if he could keep going. 

“I have to go soon. We’re already starting to plan for the wedding,” Jonghyun looks at Aron with a soft smile.

Aron walks him to the door and puts his hand on his shoulder before he walks out, “Look, I’m sorry for bringing up Minhyun again, but just know everything I’ve said, it’s because I care about you and I just want to see you happy. You looked the happiest with Minhyun, but maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you are happier with Youngmin, but that’s for you to decide.”

“Thanks, Aron.”

They wave goodbye and Jonghyun walks out to the bus stop, where he goes to school and into Youngmin’s car, pretending that he had a great time studying just like usual. 

Jonghyun feels empty, but he refuses to believe it.

  
  
  
  
  


It takes eight months to plan their wedding and in those eight months, Aron doesn’t bring up Minhyun once, so Jonghyun doesn’t feel uneasy at all marrying Youngmin. They have their wedding in a venue by the beach. It’s very simple, but with Youngmin and Jonghyun’s decently sized families, the amount of people attending is a lot. Aron, of course, is Jonghyun’s best man and Donghyun is Youngmin’s best man. 

“You’re not going to regret marrying him, right?” Aron asks as Jonghyun looks in the mirror for one last check before walking out.

“Everything will be okay, Aron. Don’t worry,” he smiles as his friend before walking out and into the venue.

  
  


When Jonghyun first hears Minhyun’s voice after three years, he can feel his emotions coming back. Not only the love he had for Minhyun, but also the pain in why they broke up that he can’t hide his emotions when he turns around and sees him walking closer to him. 

“Jonghyun, please. This is not how things were supposed to go,” Jonghyun can feel the desperation in Minhyun’s voice and he tries to hold back his tears, “We were supposed to get married and grow old together.”

Youngmin steps forward, but Jonghyun holds him back as he doesn’t want him to get involved. He needs to be the one to handle this.

“You never even told me what went wrong in our relationship. Everything was great but then suddenly you drop me and this man appears in your life instead,” tears fall from Minhyun’s eyes, but he still continues, “We spent our college years together loving each other and I thought it was going to last until forever. I don’t care if you did the most horrible thing in the world. I will always love you. Even if it hurts me, even if it kills me inside, I will always love you because you are you, Kim Jonghyun. I promised you back then that my love for you is unconditional and here I am, telling you once again. Don’t get married and let’s run away now.”

Minki and Dongho go on either side of Minhyun, telling him that he should leave. Aron stands behind him and looks at Jonghyun, and Jonghyun knows even without him speaking that he’s letting him know that this is his chance. 

He could run away with Minhyun right now and pretend the last three years never happened. They would be in love like they were before and be at their happiest because that's how their relationship was before. Jonghyun could move to Japan to be with Minhyun at the end of this year because he’s about done with grad school already so he doesn’t have to deal with the pain of long distance anymore. Jonghyun could stare into Minhyun’s eyes until the latest of nights if he wanted to and still be in awe. He could laugh at Minhyun’s jokes and hear his heart laugh like it’s music for the rest of his life. Minhyun’s warm embrace could be his home until the day he dies. That’s all his if he just runs away right now.

Jonghyun knows at this moment that every speck of uneasiness he has had with Youngmin is because of his lingering feelings for Minhyun. He knows that he shouldn’t be marrying someone if he is still in love with another man. He knows that he was happier with Minhyun than he ever will be with Youngmin. He knows if he wants to pursue his own happiness he should run away with Minhyun.

But that would be selfish of him.

It would be selfish for him to just pretend that he never cheated on Minhyun and cut him off for three years for another man. It would be selfish to just leave Youngmin like this after all they went through. Youngmin wants to marry Jonghyun and he assumes that Jonghyun feels the same. Also, their families are here right now to see their beloved family members be happy and get married and it would be selfish to just ruin this wedding. 

This is exactly why Jonghyun never told Minhyun that he cheated. For Jonghyun to let go of his guilt by telling Minhyun and passing the pain onto him would be selfish of him. He would be carefree because he confessed his sins and Minhyun would be wondering what went wrong and be insecure until the end.

Jonghyun can’t run away like he wants to. It’s not fair for anyone.

“Minhyun, you should’ve let me go,” he softly speaks, the pain in his voice evident, “You need to leave.”

Dongho and Minki hold onto Minhyun’s arms and try to pull him away, but Minhyun won’t budge. Aron looks at Jonghyun with a pained expression, but Jonghyun tries to ignore it.

“Tell me you don’t love me anymore and then I will leave.”

Minhyun’s eyes are watery as he looks at Jonghyun and says those words. Jonghyun doesn’t want to say it. He doesn’t want to hurt Minhyun anymore. Minhyun loved and cared for him like no one will ever. He can’t repay him like this, but it’s the only way for Minhyun to someday be happy. He can’t continue loving Jonghyun.

Jonghyun takes a deep breath and squeezes Youngmin’s hand, “I. Don’t. Love. You. Anymore,” he bites his lip, “Are you happy?”

Minhyun wipes his tears from his face, “No, but I’ll be okay knowing that you are.”

Minhyun pushes away Dongho and Minki and walks out of the venue. Aron looks at Jonghyun one last time before standing next to him. He doesn’t say a word and the ceremony continues as it should. They’re pronounced as husbands and they kiss in front of all their loved ones. The recently married couple walks out and everyone’s cheering.

But as Jonghyun walks outside, he sees Minhyun standing there, not in his way but off to the side. His eyes are puffy and his hair is disheveled. He’s in obvious emotional pain but he still manages to softly smile as he watches them walk into their wedding car.

In a perfect world, Jonghyun would’ve never cheated on him or at the least, he would’ve told Minhyun that he still loves him and run away with him. They would resume their previous life in Japan and Dongho, Minki, and Aron would fly up to visit them sometime and vice versa. One day, they would move back to Korea, adopt kids, and build a family there. That’s the happy ending that he wishes for.

Jonghyun gets in the car and smiles as he looks at Youngmin, who is completely unphased by Minhyun because he’s the one who married Jonghyun in the end, not him. It takes a while for the car to start, but once they drive off, Jonghyun looks out the window and makes eye contact with Minhyun and which he mouths the two words in his head throughout all of this.

“I’m sorry.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> thank you all for getting through that 22k mess and i hope u all enjoy it (pls dont kill me for the ending) i havent posted anything rly for the past month and a half and its bc i was working on this in my spare time im especially grateful for two of my closest friends for reading through this as i wrote it as well as giving me suggestions and overall help when i needed it. even though theyre both not 2hyun (or even pd101) fic writers pls check them out!! [jingyeoms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jingyeoms) and [seokxiu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/seokxiu)  
> as usual, please feel free to talk to me about 2hyun (or any other pd101 ship) on [twitter](https://twitter.com/projectydpp)  
> or send me plots you would like a short whip/drabble of at my [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/btobooty)  
> i would love to hear all of your guys's thoughts about it (if yall dont wanna comment) and if you have any questions about the fic that are unanswered please let me know!
> 
> pls give lots of love and kudos and comments! >__< i truly appreciate every single one!


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